Sad Beautiful Tragic
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Kendall and James were always together. A blissfully in love, happy couple. Until they weren't. When a misunderstanding tears them apart, they're left trying to figure out how to move on, which is kind of hard since they live together. Will Kendall and James be able to work things out and get a second chance at love?
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello everyone! New story alert! I'm so excited and nervous for this one, but I'm happy to finally be able to share it with you all.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Have you ever walked around with a merciless weight on your shoulders? One that you just can't seem to lift no matter how hard you push and shove?

I've been pushing for the last month, and nothing has budged. I feel like I've been glued to the middle of a racetrack and life keeps doing laps over me. Round and round it goes, never failing to miss a hit.

"James, are you even listening to me?"

That's the biggest hit of all, that displeased tone of his, because due to everything else weighing me down, my relationship with Kendall, the most solid and stable thing I have in my life, is beginning to falter.

I glance over at my boyfriend, who's been yammering on about I don't even know what for the past several minutes, and I blink once, twice.

He sighs in frustration, and shame washes over me.

 _Fuck_.

I know he's annoyed with me, and I also know he's starting to hurt from the lack of attention I've been paying him. It's not him, it's me, and I don't know how to explain that to him without sounding like a walking cliche.

It's times like these I that I wish I hadn't started dating my best friend, wish that I still had him there for me without our feelings for one another getting in the way.

If this were the Kendall of the past, I could sit here for hours telling him everything that's wrong and he'd pat my back, give me some comforting words, try and help me through it, and that would be it.

The Kendall of now? He would take it personally, think he's at fault, even though there's nothing he can help. It's simply the way things work when you're in a relationship with someone you care about.

One partner is upset, you immediately assess what you could have done to anger them.

One partner is sad, you try and sort through if you've said or done something wrong.

One partner isn't interested in sex, you start to think you're all wrong for them now.

It's human nature to automatically look for fault within oneself, to take on those emotions the other is projecting, and I know that's _exactly_ what Kendall would do if I went to him with the war raging inside of me. I don't want that, don't want him to be a part of it.

I've been feeling off for a little over a month now. Nothing is lighting a fire within me. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep, want to check out and take a break from life. I have zero motivation, hence why I'm close to failing two classes I'm required to pass if I want to graduate this year.

I want to quit _everything_. I just feel so...hopeless.

To top it all off, each of my parents has begun taking turns calling me and trying to get me to testify against the other in court. After years and years of barely holding together the most dysfunctional marriage out there, they're finally cutting the cord, but neither will go quietly.

I thought I had resigned myself to the idea of my parent's marriage being over and their absurd war years ago. Apparently, I hadn't. If that were the case, I'd be getting a lot more sleep than I have been lately.

The stress of everything is weighing on me, and in turn it's weighing on my relationship with Kendall.

"Earth to James." He waves a hand in front of my face. "Babe?"

The sincerity, the concern, the fact that I know he's been tossing and turning and living in a constant state of _What version of James am I coming home to today?_ all piles up inside me. I feel so fucking guilty that I'm making him suffer through this.

He deserves better, and I need a fucking break.

From everything...including Kendall. Or at least _this_ Kendall.

"Are you happy, Ken?"

"I...I'm…" He hesitates, his mouth pulling tight in consideration.

That, right _there_ -that indecision, that moment where he has to actually consider if he's happy with me-it's all I need.

I can't keep this up, not right now. I need space, time to think and work through things without having to add in the worry of ensuring Kendall is happy with me.

I'm scared that if I don't do something to help with it now, it'll fester, and shit will completely go south. And I can't risk that. I can't lose my best friend _and_ my boyfriend.

I have to choose, and right now, I don't need my boyfriend. I need my friend.

 _Damn, this is going to hurt..._

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, this was just the prologue, but it sets the tone for the rest of the story.**

 **Just a little fun fact about this, the title of the story came from a Taylor Swift song. The song came on while I was writing this and I think it kind of fit. This story will be a short one, about twelve chapters, give or take a few.**

 **The next chapter will be the official first chapter, and will be up tomorrow. Until then, I'd love to hear your initial thoughts!**

 **See you all again tomorrow!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with the first official chapter of the story.**

 **Before we get to that though, I would like to thank everyone that read the prologue. I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Living with your ex is a task not fit for the faint of heart.

It's for those who enjoy daily pain and torture, those who aren't afraid to see the love of their life smile and go on without them, who are prepared to watch them flourish...without you. It's for those who are ready to realize you weren't needed at all.

I've discovered something about myself in the last three months.

My heart? It's faint, and I'm barely hanging on.

"You're staring at him again." My roommate and best friend Dak mutters from across the table where we're eating breakfast. The problem? Dak is James' best friend too. "Neither of you will ever move on if you keep pining over him, Ken."

 _How can you tell your heart to stop loving someone?_

"Just mind your own damn business and eat your breakfast." I tell him.

Dak glares at me and I ignore it, taking a bite out of my breakfast so he'll quit staring holes into my head.

Once his face is buried in a bowl of cereal, I glance back to the living room where my ex-boyfriend is stashing his books into his bag. He bends over, and I watch the muscles in his back jump.

I remember those muscles. Very well, I might add. I remember how they'd constrict and tighten under my hands, how I'd rake my nails across them. I remember everything about them, the dips and curves, how they taste.

I remember-

 _I'm not his anymore._

The thought slams into me like a speeding car, and it hurts just as badly.

I'm _not_ his anymore. That ended when I screwed everything up with a drunken New Year's Kiss. You know, with someone who _wasn't_ my boyfriend, with someone who meant nothing to me.

Huh, funny how that works. We take things that mean everything with people who mean everything and destroy them with things that mean nothing and people who mean even less.

A foot nails my shin under the table, but I manage to hold in my yelp.

"That hurt, you ass."

"Stop staring, you idiot."

"I can't just stop, Dak. It doesn't work that way."

His brow rises just a fraction. " _You_ did this."

"I hate you."

"Liar." He grabs his now empty bowl and heads to the sink. "I'm leaving. You want a ride, Jay?" He calls out over his shoulder.

James' hazel eyes catch mine, and I swear I can seen an ache in them. The same ache that resides in mine. He misses me too. He has to. There's no way, after everything we've been through together, he doesn't. I just don't understand why he's letting a mistaken moment in time define our futures.

I also don't know why he's placing all of the blame on me. Technically, he'd broken up with me that morning during an intense argument. I was a free man...of sorts.

James rips his gaze away and focuses on Dak in a flash. "Yeah. Thanks, man."

He doesn't look my way again. I watch him as he heads outside, slips into Dak's car. I watch as he rests his head against the window and mumbles something to himself.

I pull my eyes from the scene in front of me before I lose it. Again.

I grab my half-eaten bowl of cereal and spin toward the sink. Dak's leaning against it with hard eyes dead set on me.

In this moment, he looks like the brooding Dak from before, the one who was a tangle of anger after his mother died, the one who would have gone off on anyone at any time, the one who did. The steel eyes staring at me right now reflect that man of months ago. And although I can see the sympathy, the want to say something comforting, all I can focus on is the hint of anger.

I don't need his anger or his judgements. Doesn't he know this pain I live in every day is enough?

"What?" I bite out.

"Ken, you-"

"No. Don't _Ken_ me, Dak. You have no fucking idea what it's like to have to live in the same house as the man you love and know you can't touch him. You can't laugh with him. You can't smile with him, can't look in his general direction, and God forbid you want to sit in the same room as him, because that oxygen, that free air you breathe? Forget it. It doesn't exist anymore. So don't fucking _Ken_ me. You don't get it."

His eyes cast downward, and his brows draw close together. "Need I remind you-"

"That it's my fault? That I'm the one who burned that bridge? Yeah, I got that loud and clear. I _get_ that loud and clear. Every damn day, I get it."

He lifts his head and nods. "For the record, that's not what I was going to say, but okay. Just remember, he's hurting too."

I drop my bowl heavily into the sink. "That's what sucks so bad. I can't take that pain from him. Instead, I'm a constant reminder of it."

Dak doesn't say anything. I wouldn't let him anyway.

I grab my own bag from the chair in the living room and head toward the front door. "You coming?" I ask him.

He nods. "Yeah. I'll be right there."

Then he heads upstairs, and I head outside.

I stop dead in my tracks, realizing I'm about to climb inside a car with James and there's no one here to run interference. We need a referee.

Sucking in a breath, I get it over with and pop the handle on the back door. I slide myself on the opposite side of the car and buckle myself in. The click of the seatbelt is deafening. He doesn't turn around, doesn't say anything. He just stares out the passenger window while I watch him.

His strong jaw is lined with stubble. It's a new look for him, and fuck me if I don't want to reach over and lick it, want to graze my fingers over it, run my hands over it. I want to feel it against my face, against my throat, against my chest. I want to feel it everywhere.

I know he knows I'm watching him. I can see it in the way his chest is rising and falling in rapid succession. I know it's affecting him by the deep breaths he takes, by the way his hands grip his thighs like they're a life vest of their own.

"I-"

He flinches. And before I can say anything more, the driver side door is open and Dak gets into the front seat.

"You guys ready?"

"Yep." Comes my clipped reply.

Dak meets my deadly stare in the rearview mirror.

I flip him off. He chuckles.

Another sign of the change in him. If this were the Dak of eight months ago, he'd probably have twisted around and thrown a punch or two. He was so full of anger. Then Lucy Stone happened, or the stars did...whatever, it's their story. Now he's full of love and happiness and smiles and small touches.

 _Lucky bastard._

XxX

James and I weren't always together. But, to be fair, we weren't always _not_ together either.

Everything began innocently. We were friends, nothing more. After meeting in middle school, we did everything together. Movies, dates, football, college, all of it. Dak's been right there with us every step of the way, and we've been the inseparable trio since I can remember.

But two years ago, everything changed.

Dak lost his mom, and it put life into perspective for us. It's short, it's unforgiving, and it can be taken away at any moment.

That's when it happened.

I noticed James' stares. He noticed mine.

I noticed the way my body would react when he entered the room, the way my heart would race with jealousy when someone else flirted with him, the way my cock would jump when he laughed or smiled. I noticed the way my stomach would grow heavy whenever he was away.

I noticed it all. He did too.

But still, we were friends and nothing more.

Until we weren't, and everything changed.

Then it all changed again on New Year's, because I went and fucked it all up for good.

I wait outside for Dak to get out of his last class so I can hitch a ride back home. He's ten minutes late. And by "late", I mean he's off making out with his lovely new girlfriend, who despite being rough around the edges, had a heart of gold. She's the kind of good you don't let go of. And I couldn't help but envy Dak.

A chill runs down my spine, and I know James has arrived.

"I'm guessing he's late again?" He asks.

I shake off the shock of him actually speaking to me and nod my head, listening as he lets out a soft chuckle. He kicks at an invisible rock and stuffs his hands in his pockets. I don't need to be looking at him to know all of this. I know _him_ , that's enough. "They're too cute to be mad at though. If two people belong together, it's them." He says softly.

 _It's us, too._ I wanted to say.

He doesn't say anything else, and neither do I. We stand there in the hot afternoon sun and wait.

He waits for a ride. I wait for the courage to say something to him.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Dak shows up with Lucy in tow.

"Hey losers." She greets with that flawless smile of hers.

Dak grins and pulls her closer, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I call shotgun!" Lucy yells before anyone can say anything else before taking off running towards the car. I can tell from the smirk she has on her face that she knows exactly what she's doing. Dak just shakes his head and follows her, unlocking the door so she can dive in and secure her spot.

James sighs from behind me, and I don't miss the discontent in it.

He's not happy about having to sit beside me in the back. He hates me.

But that's okay, I hate me too.

He slides into the back seat wordlessly and I stick my hand out to Dak. "Can I drive?"

"Nope."

"Dude, come on. Don't do this."

" _I'm_ not doing this. Take it up with Lucy."

"I hate her."

"You're so full of lies today."

I groan and take my place beside my ex in the back.

Lucy and Dak babble away up front about the meteor shower they're wanting to watch tonight. They make cutesy plans with their cutesy smiles and their cutesy stupid relationship shit.

While they're busy yammering, I lean James' way and whisper, "I'm sorry you have to ride back here with me."

He shifts even closer to the door than he already was, and my heart constricts in now familiar pain.

The two up front continue talking, not noticing the tension in the back. To be fair, it's almost a near constant now.

But did they not see James just metaphorically reach over and crush me? Did they not see him take my already bleeding heart into his hands and squash it until it stopped beating? How could they have missed it?

I didn't.

When we finally arrive back at the house, I'm the first to exit the vehicle, needing to get away from everyone.

I race inside and up the stairs to my new bedroom. My cold, lonely bedroom.

I toss myself face down onto my bed and throw a pillow over my head, hoping to silence the happy laughter floating up from downstairs.

Exhaustion covers me like a blanket, and my eyes begin to drift closed. I'm tired all the time now. Tired of the fake smiles, tired of the forced conversation, tired of the forced laughter, and tired of pretending I'm not rotting away inside.

The pretenses are wearing me out. I can't continue to act like this isn't killing me, like I don't love him.

I love him. He hates me.

 _I hate me too._

* * *

 **Done! So, we have the first chapter from Kendall's POV. There has been a time jump since last chapter. And it appears that something happened on New Year's that tore Kames apart. Of course, we'll get more details as the story goes on.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!**

 **Next chapter will be from James' POV, and will be up this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Ready for a new chapter?**

 **Of course, before we get to that, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _I hate him._

That's a lie.

It'd be a lot fucking easier if I hated him. But I don't. I love him, which is the problem. I can't see past the love, and I _need_ to see past it. If I ever want to feel anything other than blinding hot pain, I need to.

Three months ago, I realized something about myself that was weighing me down. I realized that I needed help, and I realized that I needed to find it outside of Kendall.

I asked for a little time.

He gave me hours.

"James? Did you hear me?"

I blink twice, noticing how dry my eyes feel. I haven't stopped staring at this screen since we arrived back at the house and Kendall ran upstairs while I plunked my ass down on the couch to wallow, which seems to be the usual lately.

"Sorry, no." I say, dragging my gaze from the scene playing out in front of me, the one that takes place two episodes after where I began watching earlier today. "I was engrossed in this episode." Lucy gives me a sad smile, not buying my excuse. I ignore it. "What'd you need?"

"I asked if you wanted to order pizza or Chinese. It's your night to pick."

"Chinese. We love that place-" The words die on my lips.

 _We_ , as in me and Kendall, but we aren't a _we_ anymore. Hell, I'm barely _me_ , and he's...well, he's whatever the fuck he is.

Fine. Yeah, he's _fine_. I've heard him toss that word around too often as of late.

I almost believe him.

"Chinese is good." I tell Lucy. "I'll have the sesame chicken with white rice. Add on an order of shrimp lo mein and crab rangoon." I don't have to tell her the second order is for Kendall. I pull my wallet from my back pocket and slide two twenties her way. "Just yell upstairs when it's here."

"This is too much, James. We always split."

I wave her off. "It's fine." I call out as I take the stairs two at a time.

My chest is on fire by the time I reach my bedroom, and it's not because I practically ran up here. No, it's because I slipped up, because it felt natural, because I still fucking want him.

He ripped my heart in two and I. Still. Want. Him. How screwed up is that? How wrong does that make me?

I stalk back and forth, walking away the memories burning holes in my head and in my heart. I don't think about how he's right down the hall. I don't even _look_ at the bed because it taunts me. I don't call up images of our time spent in this room or this house. They hurt too much. _This_ hurts too much.

The creak of a door opening down the hall rings loud in the quiet upstairs. The noise halts my movements, because Kendall's the only other one upstairs right now.

I rake my hands through my hair, tired and agitated by...well, a lot. The part about all of this that sucks the most is that while I'm doing better with _me_ , I'm still hurt and upset about what happened with Kendall.

I felt like he burned a bridge between us, and it's hard to reconcile how quickly he was able to move on.

"Shit. I didn't know you were in here."

His voice slides over me, and the hairs on my arms prickle. I bring my gaze up and meet his surprised stare in the mirror sitting atop our dresser, opposite the bedroom door.

 _Fuck me._ Just looking at his reflection is doing things to me.

"What'd you need?" My voice is gruff, like I've just woken up or haven't spoken in hours.

"I was coming looking for…" He trails off as his eyes fall to the small air mattress smashed between the bed and the wall closest to the door. "What the hell is this?"

He's angry, but he can't be angry. _I'm_ the one who should be angry.

"What do _you_ care?" I spit out, finally turning to face him.

"James…" My name is whispered, and it sends chills down my spine. I don't even try to hide the reaction. "Are you sleeping on that?"

I swallow the shame sitting in the back of my throat. "So?"

"Why?"

He's back to sounding angry.

 _Fucker._

"Why? Are you seriously asking me _why_ right now?"

"Of course I'm asking you why. Why in the fuck are you sleeping on a goddamn twin-sized air mattress when you can be sleeping on a pillow-top queen-sized bed? Why would you put yourself through that?"

"Again, _you're_ really asking me that?"

His brows slam together. "Is it because of me? Because of-"

"Because this is the bed we used to share? Because this is the bed where we made love every night? The same fucking bed you whispered you loved me in? Yeah, it's completely because of _you_." I leave it at that, because I know he knows there's more to it than that.

"James, I-"

"Why are you in here, Kendall? We have rules. You shouldn't be in here."

His shoulders sag and I catch myself before I reach out for him, before I take my anger back. "I thought you were still downstairs. You usually are at this time of day…" He shakes his head. "Anyway, I was looking for a shirt I left in here, my burnt orange one? Have you seen it?"

My breath stills, and my palms grow sweaty. I keep my eyes on him, as much as it hurts, because I can't let them wander to my makeshift bed on the floor, can't let them drift to the pillow, because right underneath is the shirt he's looking for. It's the shirt he was wearing right before the party where my heart was ripped from my chest and stomped on.

"Nope. No idea where it is."

His gaze slides downward to where I'm picking my thumbnail with my index finger. It's my tell. He knows I'm lying, and I know he knows I'm lying. But, he doesn't care, and neither do I.

"Okay. I-"

"Do you need anything else?"

"Other than for you to stop interrupting me? No."

"Good."

"Good." He echoes.

Then we stand there, staring at one another with longing.

The silence stretches miles wide between us. It's so quiet, you can hear the front door close downstairs and a car start up outside.

I realize then that we're alone in the house.

We haven't been alone since…

"Did they just leave?" Kendall asks.

"I, uh, I think so."

"Oh." He scratches at the stubble lining his chin. "Do you want-"

"I have a paper due tomorrow. I should get started on that."

"Right. Okay." His shoulders sink lower, and the ache in my heart grows. It's not slow either. No, it's fast, speeding through me in a flash. My arms begin to tingle, and I can't seem to get my shit together.

He quietly closes the bedroom door and I'm alone again. I can hear him clunk down the stairs, know when he flicks on the television, and I can't help but smile when I hear him laugh at whatever he's watching.

It's been a long time since I've heard him make that sound.

At the end of last year, life built up around me. My phone was constantly blowing up with phone calls from both my parents because the divorce was officially back on. My grades were slipping, and I was taking my anger out on Kendall over and over again. It wasn't fair to him, so I proposed we take a little break before things got to be too much between us, before words were said that we couldn't take back.

Apparently, Kendall heard me propose that we break up for good and proceeded to lose himself in the copious amount of alcohol we had for the party.

Then _it_ happened, the kiss.

It broke me so bad that I didn't leave my bed for over seventy-two hours, and it wasn't in a normal we-just-broke-up sort of way. It was way worse.

So, I sought out a therapist, realizing I needed someone to talk to who wasn't going to judge me, who didn't know every intimate detail of my life.

And, it worked.

It helped me so fucking much. I was able to step back and get the help I needed. Even after the breakup with Kendall, after the hurt he caused me, I was still able to put myself first and take action to make _me_ feel better.

It's been a long road, but I'm getting better. I didn't wake up wanting to cry this morning. Last night, I didn't fall asleep wanting to cry, which is a big fucking win for me.

Taking a seat on my air mattress, I grab my phone and scroll through the contacts, needing to find someone to distract me before I do something I know I'll regret…like take those stairs two at a time and strip off his shirt and run my fingers over that toned chest that he works so hard for.

Push him up against a wall until my body covers his.

Smash our lips together and kiss him until we're both utterly breathless.

Let him back into my heart.

I'm not ready for it, so I need a distraction.

 _Now._

Camille? _No._

Jo? _No._

Carlos? _No._

Logan? _Yes._

Logan is perfect. We're in a literature class together and have had a few conversations, but I've always kept things light, knowing full well he was interested in me in a way I couldn't reciprocate because I wasn't available.

Not that I'm really available now, but still.

Am I _interested_? _Could_ I be interested?

Right now, maybe. With enough time, that maybe could turn into a yes.

My sole purpose for the time being is get back out there into life and put all of this shit with Kendall behind me. I need to start somewhere, right?

 **Me:** I'm ready to finally take you up on that whole study buddy thing.

 **Logan:** Really? What changed your mind?

 **Me:** I just really need to get my shit together.

 **Logan:** Okay, then. Where do you want to meet?

 **Me:** Come to my place. I'll text you the address.

 **Logan:** I'll head that way now.

I set my phone back down, hands shaking as the realization of what I've just done hits me.

I just invited another guy over to the house. I've never invited _anyone_ over to the house. Why did I do that?

To get back at Kendall? _No._

To make myself feel better? _Yes._

Because I'm afraid to be alone in the house with him?

 _Shit_. That's exactly what this is. I don't trust myself to be alone with him. Sure, he's downstairs and I'm up here, but I don't trust my feet not to force me by his side.

Sitting there waiting, I try not to panic, but it's no use.

My breathing is labored, my head is swimming, and I cannot believe I'm going to have another guy inside this house...inside this bedroom.

Kendall is going to kill me.

Kill _him_.

 _Oh shit._

When the doorbell sounds throughout the house, I wonder how long I've been sitting up here alone, sunk in my thoughts.

I rush to my feet and race down the hallway, worried Kendall will be the first to the door. That can't happen. Logan will never make it inside.

He's just getting to his feet as I hop the last step.

We stand there, staring at one another, saying nothing.

Kendall blinks once, twice. His eyes slide toward the front door before falling to slits.

He knows, because he can read me _that_ fucking well.

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I drop my head, not meeting his eyes as I take determined steps toward the front door just as the bell sounds again.

I open the door, and there stands Logan, a huge smile on his face, brown eyes sparkling. Logan's cute, there was no denying that. He's kind and soft-spoken. We haven't spent much time together outside of class, but I like what I know of him.

A wall of warmth washes over me.

"Hey, James." Logan greets, his eyes shooting to Kendall standing right behind me. "Kendall? I didn't know you'd be here studying too."

"You two know each other?" I ask.

"Sort of." Logan says. "We have a class together."

"Huh, I had no idea. Well then, come on in."

Neither of us move. I can still feel Kendall hovering.

"Uh, you sure?"

Throwing a glance over my shoulder, I try not to shiver at the look marring Kendall's face. His lips pulled tight, eyes glaring.

All of this makes it so obvious that he's upset, but there's something else there only I could possibly take note of.

He's hurt.

I can see the way his green gaze spins with pain.

For a moment, I feel vindicated. I feel _good_. He hurt me, and now I've hurt him. We're even.

 _You're an asshole, James._

I'm not this person. I don't intentionally hurt people. That has never been me, and I shouldn't let this situation with Kendal turn me into this kind of person.

I'm kind and caring and nurturing, even to a fault, but I like that. I like all those parts of me.

The last person I should let take that away from me is Kendall.

I return my attention to my guest and step to the side. "I'm sure, Logan."

Kendall lets out a huff, but I ignore it and plaster on a grin.

Logan sends another glance Kendall's way before taking the step over the threshold and entering the house.

"Hey Kendall." He mutters as he walks past us both and into the foyer.

His greeting is met with a grunt, and there's a small part of me that wants to laugh at his gruffness. Another part wants to land a punch right to his pretty, stupid face.

He's being a prick on purpose.

"Kendall."

My warning is clear, but he doesn't uncross his arms as he counters with, "James."

I hate the way my name rolling off his lips makes me feel, can't stand how much I want to run to him the moment he utters it.

"Are you done?" I ask.

He stands there, legs spread wide in a determined stance, eyes hard and serious. I don't back down from the silent challenge he's hurling my way.

Logan clears his throat and our heads snap toward him. He practically cowers at the scowl on Kendall's face.

There's no way I can bring him up to my bedroom now, not with the way Kendall's staring at him. Instead, I hitch my thumb toward the kitchen. "Let's go study at the table." I tell Logan. "That way we won't be bothered."

I throw a pointed look Kendall's way as I pass him. He had better not come in there being obnoxious and troubling us. The last thing I want is another knock down, drag-out fight with him, let alone having Logan there to witness it.

My guest hikes his bag up on his shoulder and trudges behind me into the kitchen.

I pull out a chair for him and then one for me, taking a seat. He pulls his bag around to his front and begins taking out the contents.

"Is Kendall not joining us?" I shake my head in answer. "Oh, well, thanks for inviting me over." He says quietly, giving me a shy smile.

"Thanks for coming. I haven't even started writing that paper yet, and I figured having a study buddy to keep me on track wouldn't be such a bad idea since it's due tomorrow."

"You haven't started on it at all?" He asks incredulously.

Logan is a bit of a nerd, which is exactly why I knew he was the one I needed here to keep me working and not staring off into space.

Plus, he's definitely not bad to look at.

"I know, I know. Shame on me. We can't all be cute bookworms like you." I tease.

A blush creeps up his face, and for just a moment, a spark of delight streaks through me. Then that nagging voice in my head begins to talk.

 _Kendall wouldn't like you flirting._

 _Oh yeah? Well Kendall can fuck off._

 _Ugh._

"We'd better get started then. You have your books?"

I slap my hand to my forehead. "Crap. I knew I was forgetting something. Be right back."

I push my chair from the table and dart from my seat, racing up the stairs as fast as I possibly can. The last thing I want to do is leave Logan down there alone with Kendall too long.

I don't trust him to not scare the guy off.

I trample my way back down the stairs in a hurry, barely skidding to a halt before I'm in Kendall's line of sight. I peer around the corner to find his arms crossed over his chest, a whimsical look on his face as he stares off at nothing of significance.

"I remember the first time I realized James was something special like it was yesterday." Kendall says quietly.

My body begins to shake with anticipation, waiting to hear the words he'll say next.

"Have you two known each other long?"

"Since middle school."

Logan's lips twist up as he considers Kendall. "Friends through high school?"

"Yep."

"Really? Wow. I had no idea you two even knew each other. How'd you two scrape through those awkward teen years together?"

My eyes flick back to Kendall just in time to see his eyes crinkle at the edges, his lips pulling into a subtle smile.

"We managed."

* * *

 **Done! So, we got a bit more of James' side of things this chapter. We also got a bit of jealous/hurt Kendall.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up soon!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest,Side1ways, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

 ** _Almost three years ago_**

I scrub the damp towel over my head before I toss it onto the floor, pacing around my bedroom, cursing at myself for what just happened in the shower.

 _Masturbating._

Not that it's anything new. I'm an eigthreen-year-old guy, for fuck's sake. If a day goes by where I _don't_ jerk off, something's wrong.

What _was_ new were the images I conjured up while I pulled myself to the finish line.

 _James._

My best friend. I let images of my best friend with my cock in his mouth get me off.

What the hell is wrong with me?

But this isn't my fault, not really. It's James'. For a month now, I haven't been able to stop these kinds of scenes from popping into my head.

It had been a Saturday like any other, and we were chilling in this very room with a laptop tucked between us as we sat shoulder to shoulder on my bed. We had some shitty show pulled up on Netflix, when I declared myself bored and suggested we watch something else.

James suggested porn. I obviously agreed.

What we didn't think to check was what _kind_ of porn we were pressing play on.

 _Gay_ porn.

Or more specifically, bisexual porn. Two dudes going to town on a chick...and each other.

"You, uh, you wanna change it?" James asked when he realized what exactly it was we were watching.

I swallowed the lump stuck in my throat, taking note of my already throbbing cock straining my jeans. I'd watched bisexual porn before. This was nothing new for me, but having an audience while my body reacted the way it did to two guys going at it? That was new.

I cleared my throat. "I'm good if you are."

And that was that. The flick continued to play, and the blood continued to pump into my dick until I had to excuse myself, so into my en-suite bathroom I went to relieve the pressure building in my jeans.

As I wrapped my hand around my hard length, I heard it.

 _James._

He was doing the same thing I was, and his labored breaths were driving me over the edge more than anything else.

Once we were both done, we cleaned up and pretended like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Only it is, because I cannot stop thinking about what it would feel like to have James' lips wrapped around me, hence the fun I just had in the shower at his expense...for the fourth time this week.

 _What kind of sick best friend am I?_

"I swear, I cannot take another minute in that goddamn house. They are-"

I spin towards the voice to find James standing in my bedroom doorway, frozen mid-step, eyes wide in shock as he stares at my naked body.

I don't move to cover up, not even an inch. This is nothing new because he's seen me naked before.

What _is_ new is how my body reacts to being under his scrutiny. His eyes rake down my torso in a slow, agonizing manner. I can practically _feel_ it as he takes me in at his leisure.

I feel it...everywhere.

My cock jumps as his gaze flicks downward, and he doesn't miss it.

His eyes snap back to mine in an instant and in that moment, I see something new in him. There's a fire burning in his eyes, longing.

A longing I've been feeling for weeks now.

Images of us wrapped together in a heated passion assault me, the same images I've been seeing over and over again, because this isn't the first time I've thought of James and me tumbled in bed together.

Ever since that fateful day at my house, something had become very clear to me. I find my best friend attractive, and not in a passing thought sort of way. It's more than a 'we just watched bi-porn together and now I'm confused' kind of way. Whenever we're together, I can't help but imagine what it would feel like to have his arms wrapped tightly around me in more than just a friendly hug… how comfortable his large, calloused hands would feel clasped between mine...how right his lips would feel trapped to mine.

I'll admit it right now, James isn't the first guy I've thought about in this way, thus the ventures into bisexual porn. But he is the first I've _really_ thought about, the only one I _keep_ thinking about, the only one who has been the star of every wet dream I've had lately.

Which is leading me to believe I might be bisexual and that this isn't a fleeting one-off thing that will go away with time.

I am legitimately attracted to both guys and girls, and I've been trying to process that information for weeks now.

I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts bouncing around, because this isn't something I'm ready to discuss with anyone, especially not my best friend.

"I-I…" James clears his throat and turns his head, a blush creeping onto his face as he fumbles for words. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were naked."

His words come out quiet, forced.

"No biggie, man." As casually as I can, I step over the towel I dropped moments before James waltzed into my room and make my way over to the dresser. I snatch out a pair of boxer briefs and slide them on before facing James again. "So, what's up?"

James lifts his shoulders. "Nothing really. My parents are home and getting too loud with their arguing. I thought maybe we could study? I need a distraction from all this bullshit."

I notice then that he has his backpack slung over his shoulder.

"I take it the divorce isn't going well?"

"That's an understatement."

"Well, you're always welcome here, you know that. Let me grab my stuff and we'll get to work." I spin around and grab my notebook and books from my desk across the room.

"Hey Ken?"

There's something in his voice that gives me pause, and I turn his way. He's standing with one hand on his backpack strap, the other shoved deep in his pocket, head thrown back so he's looking up at the ceiling and not making eye contact with me.

"Yeah?"

"Can, uh, can you put some clothes on?"

I glance down, realizing I only put on a pair of underwear and nothing else.

James' tongue darts out to wet his lips, and I can't help but wonder if they're as soft as they look.

I press a hand to my naked chest, trying to calm the rapid beating of my heart, scared he's going to be able to hear it from across the room, worried he'll know just how much this whole scene is affecting me.

I don't understand what's going on with me, why these thoughts are flitting through my mind...why James is so suddenly worried about me being naked in front of him. I feel like there's this untapped tension hanging between us, and I don't know what it means.

"Sure." The words comes out a near whisper before I rush back over to my dresser and pull out sweats and a T-shirt. I slip both on then grab my things before hauling myself up onto the bench tucked into the bay window I have in my room. We almost always use the nook for homework nights, so it's a habit at this point.

"You ready?" I ask when he doesn't move.

He shakes his head twice before finally meeting my eyes, making his way over to the nook, and taking a spot next to me.

He pulls his backpack around to his front and grabs his supplies from it before tossing it toward my bed.

"Did you finish that paper for Communications class?"

"I did, but I think it's absolute shit, so I'll probably try to rewrite it later tonight. I cannot believe that dick Mr. Griffin is already taking away a letter grade because I missed a few homework assignments."

"A few? You missed almost half of the ones assigned this year, and it's April. School's practically over."

"Whose side are you on here?"

He lets out a soft chuckle before shaking his head. "Want me to read over the paper for you? I'm acing that class, so I might have some insight."

"Sure." I push my notebook onto his lap and stand. "You read. I'm running to the laundry room to grab some socks. My feet are frozen."

He nods and immerses himself in the paper as I rush out of the room and down the hallway. I yank open the dryer and pull out a pair of socks, sliding them on right there and making a mental note to fold the rest of the clothes later before making my way back to my bedroom.

I pause in the doorway when I see James' hunched form, his head hanging low, concentration fully on my essay. His brows are pinched, fingers running idly over his plump lips.

For only a moment, I allow those thoughts from earlier to drift back in. I can picture my own fingers grazing over his lips just before my mouth descends on his, seizing him in a determined kiss. My hands itch to dive into his messy hair.

My dick twitches and I reach down, pressing my palm to my growing erection. _Fuck_. I take a steady breath, trying to calm myself, making a half-hearted attempt to put a stop to the images assaulting my mind before I do something insane...like march into that room and kiss him like I've been dying to.

He's my best friend. I _cannot_ be crushing on him. If he knew what was going through my head right now, there's no way he'd still be sitting there.

"I can feel you staring." He says quietly.

"Yeah?"

He nods but doesn't say another word.

"Does it bother you?" I'm not sure why I ask, or why I care. I'm not sure what kind of answer I'm looking to get, but the words are out there now, and I can't take them back.

James swallows thickly before his tongue darts out to wet his lips again. His mouth opens, and then slams shut again. Open, shut...and one more a weight settles in the pit of my stomach and the worry seeps in.

 _Did I do something wrong? Did he catch the lilt to my voice? Does he know what my question means beyond the surface? Does he know I've been thinking about him in ways you're not supposed to think about your best friend?_

I tread father into the room, taking careful, calculated steps. He's still sitting there, reading, not answering me, and it's driving me up the fucking wall.

I resume my spot next to him, not missing the moment his body stiffens as my leg brushes up against his.

"No." He says it quietly, firmly. "It doesn't."

I don't move, hardly breathe. I'm stunned and elated and confused all at once.

We sit there in silence, until finally, moments later, he pulls his attention from the paper and throws a playful grin my way.

"What?" I question hesitantly. "Why do you look like you want to kiss me right now?"

 _Shit, why did I have to say that?_

James either doesn't notice or doesn't care, his smirk still in place as he points to the notebook he's holding. "Because this paper is _good_. There's no way you're going to fail. You have this in the bag."

Something in his tone reaches out and touches me so strongly that I rub my chest like I can feel it...whatever _it_ is.

"I'm really proud of you, Ken."

That's it. _Pride_.

Such a foreign feeling to me. I don't think anyone has ever been honestly proud of me before. I...I like it. The way his face is lit with joy. _I_ did that, put that smile there, that light in his eyes.

 _Me._

"No shit?" I ask skeptically.

"No shit."

I let out a loud _whoop_ and pump my fist in the air. "Hell yes!"

"But…"

"Oh, fuck me." My high is gone just as quickly as it came because I know, _know_ , this means scouring the paper for at least another three hours. I groan and drop my head into my hands, pulling at my blond locks in agitation.

"I'll pass, but thank you for the offer."

And straight to my dick his words go.

Another groan escapes me before I'm able to catch it, but he ignores me and continues.

"It's not _that_ bad of a but. I just think that your paper is good, but you could wow him with this if you wanted. Really stick it to him for giving you shit over your other missing assignments. You're not stupid, and it pisses me off when they continually insinuate that you are because you don't do your homework." A red flush covers his cheeks, a sign that he's growing annoyed, and he rolls his eyes. "Don't even get me started on that jackass Griffin."

I swear I'm reading way too much into every word he says lately because the tone of his voice, the force behind his words, it's all so much... _more_. He doesn't sound like a buddy who's there to have your back through your difficulties.

He sounds like a pissed-off boyfriend, like he's mad _at_ Griffin for the way he treats me.

 _Huh._

"You think I could write something better?"

"I know you can." He says it like he's never been more sure of anything in his life, and his words breathe life into me, giving me confidence.

"Okay, okay." I grin. "Help me out then."

I scoot closer and pull my paper from his grasp. He uses his pen to reach over and point out a section. "This argument could be stronger."

"Stronger how? Any ideas?"

"Glad you asked…"

James begins to ramble on about how I can argue against the registration system more and I listen...kind of.

My thoughts drift to places they really shouldn't when he reaches over and circles another paragraph on the paper then waves his hands in the air, talking loudly and animatedly about whatever subject we're discussing...I couldn't actually tell you what it is, because I have completely forgotten.

 _What are we doing again?_

He shifts closer, the heat coming off him causing beads of sweat to pile up on the back of my neck. He's too close. I can smell him, and holy fuck does he smell _good_. I want to lean over and rub my nose along his exposed neck.

"Uh, Ken?" His voice is husky, the rasp sending a jolt down my spine.

"Y-yep?" I barely manage to utter.

"Did you just sniff me?"

 _Fuck. Did I?_

I realize then that I've mindlessly crept closer to him, my face mere inches from being nestled into the crook of his neck.

 _Oh hell…_

Inching away, I exhale a steadying breath and shift around, slouching down and spreading my legs wide in an attempt to look nonchalant.

"Nah, I think it's all in your head." I peer over at him. "Let's get to work."

"Right." He says flatly. That spark that was in his eyes, that deep hush to his voice, it all vanishes as James clams up.

I'm such a wuss, way too fucking afraid to tell him I was sniffing him, too chickenshit to say I think about him, care for him.

Want him.

I'm too scared to be myself around my best friend because I can't trust my own actions.

 _What in the hell did I get myself into?_

* * *

 **Done! So, we've got a flashback to teenage Kames and to when Kendall started noticing his feelings for James.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will pick back up where the last one left off and will most likely be up sometime tomorrow.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, I'm back with another chapter!**

 **As always, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 ** _Present Day_**

I watch from the shadowed hall as Kendall takes a stroll down memory lane, telling Logan about how we used to have study sessions like these.

"Though I hope you're not going as _in depth_ as we went."

Logan's brows pinch together in confusion, and I let out a loud groan.

He knows I've been standing here, listening this whole time, and he's trying to get the best of me with his double entendre.

The worst part? It's working. I can feel my body heat at his words, at the memories floating through me of the _many_ study sessions Kendall and I have had over the years.

I stalk into the room, my footsteps heavy with annoyance. "That's enough, Kendall." My voice is low and angry.

That lopsided, cocky grin of his takes shape as he pushes himself off the counter, hands outstretched in peace. "What? I didn't say anything."

"You implied it, and you know it."

"But that's different from saying it." He argues.

"It's all about the implication."

His lips twitch in victory as I quote one of our favorite TV shows, and it pisses me off even more.

"God, I fucking hate you." I spit out.

Another grin. "Good."

A cloud of red rage washes over me, and I remind myself there's someone else in the room before I completely lose my shit.

He knows I don't hate him, and that goddamn grin is his way of taunting me with that knowledge.

I rip my eyes away from him and direct my attention toward Logan, praying the distraction will talk me off the ledge.

"Ready to get started?" I ask him.

He bounces his attention from me to Kendall and back again.

His lips purse together, brows drawn tight in concentration.

"You two are dating."

It's not a question, it's a statement.

Kendall and I have always kept things low-key, and not too many people knew we were dating. It's not that we were ashamed to be together, it just wasn't any of their damn business.

"No." I say at the same moment Kendall says, "We were."

 _Were._

God, the past tense of that word sounds so...final, heavy, _hurtful_.

"So you're not currently dating one another but you did?"

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Huh?"

"How long did you date?" I open my mouth to answer him, but he cuts me off. "And how long ago _did_ you date?"

I clamp my lips together, scared to answer him and worried he'll judge me for the truth.

"Around two years." Kendall answers.

"Since you dated?"

Kendall shakes his head. "No, _that_ we dated. We've been split up for three months, one week, and four days."

His words sucker punch me right in the gut.

He knows the months.

He knows the weeks.

He knows the _days_.

 _I do too._

Logan dips his chin, his attention focused on his clasped hands sitting atop the table. I can see him woking his bottom lip through his teeth as he absorbs that information.

I haven't known him for long, but it's been clear from the start that he's one of those people who thinks everything through with a pro/con list, and I have a feeling he's making a mental one right this moment.

"You two live here together, yeah?"

"With our best friend Dak. It's his house."

He lifts his head. "But you're…"

"Exes?" Kendall chimes in, and Logan nods."Yeah, makes it pretty fucking awkward."

"I can imagine." Logan says with a low chuckle. "How do you guys make it work?"

"I've gotten really good at walking on my tiptoes." Kendall sends him a wink, and Logan's cheeks tint with a pink blush.

It takes all I have not to roll my eyes.

Kendall's always been a flirt. Even before we got together, back when we'd both pretended to be straight and not into each other, he had _all_ the girls swooning over him. Hell, he even had the guys swooning too, including me. I swear me being friends with him was the only reason I had a girlfriend in high school. The relationship never went anywhere-because hello, gay-but that's beside the point. No one has ever been able to resist his charm...Logan included.

"Give me a fucking break."

The words slip out of mouth before I can stop them, and everyone in the room freezes.

"Huh?" Logan says, genuine confusion and innocence in his voice.

"What? What did I do wrong now?" Kendall pushes.

I spin on my heel and glower at him. "You're going to seriously stand there and act like you're the victim? Like you're the one forced to tiptoe around this house? Like _you're_ not the one who caused all this awkwardness between us?"

"Awkwardness?" Logan voices, but we ignore him, now squared off with one another.

It reminds me of that time in our senior year of high school when we fought over a girl. I was jealous Kendall was into her and not me. Kendall was pissed I was acting like it didn't bother me, because I think even then he knew we would end up together.

So, much like best friends do, we duked it out until we both cried mercy and hugged it out.

Kendall never spoke to the girl again, and that was how we silently agreed not to date anyone until we both figured out our shit.

We kissed for the first time shortly after.

But, as we stand here this time, we have much more to lose than gain from this fight. _I_ have more to lose because we _both_ know this whole mess isn't just on his shoulders, and we both know it's going to be hard to get back on solid ground and trust each other again...if we ever can.

"Nothing." Kendall mutters, his eyes full of heat and hurt. "It's nothing. I'll leave you two to your _date_."

The last word he speaks is full of venom as he stalks from the room before either of us start spewing words we can't take back. I glare at him, but he stares right past me as he makes his way out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my guest.

It takes a moment, but I finally shake off the whole ordeal and grab a seat at the kitchen table next to Logan. I flip open my notebook and find the last page I took notes on then open my textbook to the correct page.

"You good with starting here?" I ask, pushing the book his way and pointing to a section on the page.

He doesn't move, doesn't speak.

I can see his eyes chasing the words over the paper, but I know he's not actually reading anything. He's thinking, processing.

It feels like hours pass before he opens his mouth.

"Are we really not going to talk about that?"

I know he's talking about Kendall and what just happened between us. The anger, the annoyance, the air getting sucked from the room.

I expel a heavy sigh. "I'd rather not." I tell him honestly. "It's kind of a tough subject for me."

"I didn't know you two are together."

"We're not."

"Fine, _were_ together."

"It was a long time ago."

"It was three months ago, James. That isn't very long for two people who have known each other for years and dated for two."

"It feels like it was a long time ago." I murmur.

That's the truth, too. It feels like it's been ages since I woke up to a warm bed, years since I felt something other than this unrelenting sting in my chest every time I take a breath.

"But in reality, it's not. I'm not sure I'm okay with that either, especially since you two still live together. That cannot be a healthy environment for exes, not when there are obviously so many unresolved issues between them."

"What?"

He lifts his head and meets my questioning stare. "Don't act like you don't turn cold when he walks into the room, like there isn't this air of grievance hanging around you two. There's still something there that needs to be worked out."

I don't answer him because he's not wrong...in a way.

My body still reacts to Kendall, yearns for him. Hell, even my heart reaches out to him. But then memories of him with his lips on someone else in _our_ bed flood in, and everything turns to ice.

"That was awkward to witness, James. To have to sit there in the middle of what was clearly a private moment, to watch the pain wash over your faces. You're not over him, and he's clearly not over you."

Logan reaches for his books and shoves them back into his backpack. He doesn't do it hastily, he's calm and deliberate with his movements. I relax back into my chair, watching him, knowing he doesn't want me to try to stop him, so I won't.

When everything is back in its place, he stands and swings the bag over his shoulder, hand still resting on the strap, staring at me.

"You know I like you, James. I've never hidden that fact." He pauses, and his familiar boyish blush makes an appearance as he shoves a hand in his pocket, looking bashful as hell. "Though I would have if I'd known you were seriously dating someone else."

"We're not together now. We-"

He holds his hand up. "I know, but you're not ready, and that's okay. I just don't feel much like being the guy who's there to make your ex jealous. I don't want to be used. I don't want to be a weapon in this cold war you two are participating in."

I drop my head, my chin nearly resting on my chest.

That was the _last_ thing I intended Logan to be, but it doesn't mean that's not what this little adventure of mine turned into.

"I'm a dick."

He lets out a raspy chuckle. "No, you're not. You're in pain. I know you're trying to force yourself to be ready for something you're not, and I know you didn't really intend for me to get hurt."

Lifting my head, I look at him, puzzled because he sounds so...calm, like he's okay with what's just happened.

"You aren't ready to date." He points to the other room. "And you're not ready to let him go. So, we'll stay friends and maybe one day, if I'm lucky enough, I'll find someone who looks at me the way you two look at each other."

I marvel at him, because that is not where I was expecting this conversation to lead. This isn't how I was expecting this study date to end.

"But you're going?"

"Yeah." He nods. "I think that's for the best."

I don't have the energy to beg him to stay, because we both know it is for the best.

"Maybe give me a call later?"

"Yeah, definitely."

I won't call. We both know he won't either. This is the beginning and the end of everything between us.

"Walk me out?" He asks.

"Of course." I push myself from the chair and meet him at the edge of the table. I look at him, a sheepish grin on my lips. "Listen, Logan, I really am sorry about all of this. I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings, I swear that was never my intention. I thought if I jumped feet first into this thing, maybe everything would work out and fall into place, but I guess I was wrong."

He gives me a small smile. "Don't worry about it, man. We're good."

"Thanks."

I think what sucks so much about this situation is the look Logan's giving me in this moment. He feels bad for me, feels sorry for me.

Honestly, I do too.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." I say without hesitation.

"What happened?"

 _Fuck._ My heart drops at the question. I should have been more cautious in answering him. But of course he'd want to know. I should have seen this coming. After playing witness to what he did, anyone would be curious.

"I...H-he…" I can't get the words to come out. And I think that's because I know I'm an asshole for blaming him when it was really both of our faults.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready." He lifts a shoulder. "I was only curious what could have come between best friends who turned into so much more, especially with the way you two look at one another."

That's the second time he's mentioned that. "What's so special about the way I look at Kendall?"

The corner of Logan's mouth tips up. "You're kidding, right?"

"Not even a little bit."

"You look at him like he's your air, like you need him in your life to keep you alive, like he's the last piece of every puzzle you've ever tried to put together but couldn't quite get right. He does the same thing right back." Logan tips my chin, encouraging me to meet his eyes. "Want to hear something funny?"

"Sure."

"Kendall and I have shared the same early morning Wednesday class since the beginning of this year. He'd always walk in with this grin on his face. After a month straight of this, I finally asked him what his deal was because _no one_ could possibly be that happy in the morning. He grinned at me and said, 'You can when you're in love, Loges.' And I just shook my head and walked away, thinking he was nuts. Then I'd go have class with you the next day and there you were, smiling. It makes a lot of sense now why you both lost those smiles at the beginning of the semester. You lost each other."

Hearing Logan talk about when Kendall and I used to be happy hurts. I feel it bone deep, like he's taking a knife and carving his words into me, each cut, each jagged edge.

"He...he was with someone else...like hours after we broke up."

Logan stumbles backward at my words. "What?"

I lick my now dry lips and avert my eyes, ashamed to admit out loud that Kendall could move on so quickly after what we shared. "It was New Year's. I caught him in our bed with a girl."

"A girl? But he's…" I watch as it sinks in within seconds. "Kendall's bi?"

"Yep."

"Wow..." He shakes his head, surprised. "I mean, are you sure that's what it was and not just what it looked like?"

"His lips were firmly locked on hers and he was on top of her when I opened the door, so I'm pretty damn sure."

"Maybe he was just drunk?"

I bring my eyes back to Logan. "That doesn't excuse it."

"No, you're right. It doesn't, but…it's something to take into consideration."

"I'll keep that in mind." I say softly.

He nods, knowing this conversation is officially over, and turns on his heel, heading toward the front of the house.

Just as we reach the foyer, the front door swings open and Dak and Lucy come barreling inside.

"I'm telling you, if you were stranded on a desert island you _would_ want Sam Winchester there with you because Dean would come after him in a heartbeat."

Dak rolls his eyes as he lets the door slam shut behind him. "No way. I'd bring Castiel. He's literally an angel. Do you know how badass that is?"

"Angel, schmangel. Bring the damn Winchesters!"

"I'd bring Crowley." Logan chimes in, and I shake my head.

I hear Kendall walk up behind us and at the same time, he and I say, "Bobby."

They all groan and begin muttering their annoyances over our answer.

I just stand there, grinning, watching as everyone starts playfully arguing, because for the first time in a long time, everything feels normal.

And I've definitely missed normal.

* * *

 **Done! So, we're back to the present day where Kames is...not togehter :(**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm glad that you all seemed to love the flashback chapter! There will be more of those throughout the story. I had to throw in the little Supernatural reference at the end there. Well, I didn't** _have_ **to, but I was watching the show while writing this chapter so... :P**

 **The next chapter will be up soon.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, I've been so busy these past couple of days and I was going to wait to post this. But then I changed my mind and decided to post it a little early so... here we are! :P**

 **Before we get to the chapter though, I would of course like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a special thank you to Side1ways, winterschild11, annabellex2, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Fuck, this feels good._

Standing around laughing with my friends, with James. It's been too damn long.

"All right, I'm out of here. It was great meeting you, Dak and Lucy." Logan said before spinning around and sending a sad smile James' way. "I guess I'll see you in class."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" Lucy asks. She holds up the two bags she's holding then nods toward the two Dak has in his hands. "We have plenty of food."

 _Please say no, please say no._

I don't think I could stomach watching him throw googly eyes at James the entire evening, couldn't stand to know he's aware of what transpired on New Year's.

The biggest fucking mistake of my life.

I was drunk and not thinking clearly, and completely heartbroken because James had decided we 'needed some time', whatever the fuck that meant.

I know being drunk doesn't excuse what I did. I knew when I walked into our bedroom with her that she wanted me, knew that there was a chance of James walking in and catching us. I knew it, and I led us into that situation anyway. I didn't push her away or try to avoid her advances. I let her kiss me, and I kissed her back.

And I regret every single second of that night.

Logan shoots one last glance James' way before answering. "Nah, my roommate's waiting for me to order some pizza. Thank you for offering, though. Maybe another time."

"Sure, any time." Lucy insists.

James walks Logan outside and the moment the door clicks shut around them, Dak spins my way with a raised brow.

"What's that about?"

"What's what about?"

" _That_. Who is he? And why was he here?"

"He's in a couple of classes with us, and James invited him over for a study date."

"Study date?" Lucy asks. "That was damn fast. We haven't even been gone an hour."

"Guess they got bored." I shrugged.

Dak cocks his head to the side, studying me. "Bullshit. You did something."

"I didn't _do_ anything."

"Do, said, whatever, it's all the same. What happened?" He urges through gritted teeth.

 _Great_. I started this evening with a cranky James, and now I've pissed off Dak.

Lucy lays a gentle hand on his forearm, and he briefly closes his eyes before opening them again with a noticeably different temperament.

"What I meant to say was, it's clear something happened while we were out because Logan wasn't here long, and I'd like to know exactly what that was." Lucy gently squeezed his arm. "Please." He adds.

A grin breaks out across my lips before I can help it. It still amazes me how far Dak's come in his anger management courses and therapy sessions. The Dak from last summer would have probably punched me by now, and we both know I'd deserve it for being a smartass little shit. But instead, with a gentle reminder from Lucy, he's calm and collected.

I need to remember that he's in the middle of this mess between me and James and take into consideration the work he's putting in to making his life better before I spout off with sarcasm.

I also need to remember that he doesn't know James broke things off that morning. In Dak's eyes, I'm the bad guy. No one knows about our fight before the party.

"You're right. I'm just being an ass. I guess James wasn't fond of the way I worded something to Logan and things sort of...escalated, but they seemed to work them out, although Logan did decide to cancel their study date. I tried not to listen in too much."

Lucy barks out a short laugh. "Not that you didn't listen, just not too much, right?"

"You know it." I chuckled, sending her a wink.

"And everything is okay now?"

"Yeah. I actually think James is just out there apologizing again."

"For what?"

"Trying to make Logan his rebound guy."

Dak's brows shot up. "Did he say that?"

"Who? Logan? Basically."

"Wow." He whistles. "Damn. I think I might like that guy."

"I think-" I start, but James pushes open the door, cutting my words off.

"All right, where's the food? I'm starving."

"Right here."

Lucy shoves a bag his way and the two make their way into the kitchen, leaving Dak and me standing in the foyer.

"You okay?" He asks after a few beats of silence.

"Huh?"

"With this?"

"Chinese? Yeah, man. I love Chinese food."

He doesn't let my obvious brush-off go. "I mean with him trying to move on and everything."

I exhale an exasperated breath and scrub my hand over my face, shooting my eyes skyward. "No, Dak. I'm not okay." I give my head a shake and drop my stare to him again. "But I am hungry. Let's go grab some food before your girlfriend eats it all."

He studies me for a moment before clapping me on the shoulder. "Excellent point. Dibs on the egg rolls."

We make our way into the kitchen, where I expect to find Lucy alone, but I'm pleasantly surprised to discover James still downstairs and digging into his rice.

It wasn't always like that. In fact, I don't remember a single time we didn't eat at the table, even when it was just me, James, and Dak. Dinner at the table was our thing. We were a family, and dammit, we were going to act like one.

But lately it's been James and me rotating between who gets to eat dinner down here with everyone else.

I grab my lo mein and a fork from the stack of silverware on the table then take a seat in 'my' spot. I don't open my container of food.

I wait.

Wait for someone to say something, for James to get up and leave.

But nothing happens. Everyone starts eating, and eventually a conversation starts to flow. Only then do I peel the lid off my meal and begin to eat.

Maybe, just maybe, things really are returning to normal.

Xxx

 ** _Two and a half years ago_**

"I cannot believe you're making me climb up into this old rickety treehouse. We don't even know if it's safe. We could fall and die, and no one would ever know."

"Shut up and stop being a big baby. We're going to miss the show."

"Ugh. It happens _every_ year. What is it with you and Dak and space shit?"

I peek my head out of the bottom of the treehouse and glare at James. "Get. Your. Bitch ass. Up. Here."

"Fine." He sighs and begins climbing the worn-out rungs haphazardly nailed into the tree trunk.

Back when we were in middle school, this used to be out favorite hangout spot. We built it with our dads back before they cared about money more than us. Our parents would have to come hunt us down nightly because we refused to leave. It was our space, our sanctuary.

Now that we're eighteen, we mostly use it for making out with girls and the occasional meteor shower.

That's why I dragged James out here tonight, to watch the show. We haven't seen one all year, and I refuse to miss another.

Besides, I'd much rather spend the night up here than another one cooped up in my bedroom.

Almost two months ago, everything between me and James came to a head of sorts. There was this incident involving a girl, and then a fist fight...and then a silent promise not to date anyone else until we get this all straightened out.

 _Ha._ Straight _ened. Like that'll happen._

If I didn't already know it before, I know it now. I am officially bi. It's not a phase, and it's not exclusive to James. I'm into guys, and I'm totally okay with that, I just don't know where he officially stands on all of this.

Last month, we lost someone close to us, and it's really put things in perspective for me. I have one life, one measly, simple life. I need to make it count. I need to make the time I have here mean something, need to be happy.

James makes me happy, and I want to know if I make him happy too.

We've been skating around this sexual tension for weeks now, but we're also making progress, like two weeks ago when he stayed the night at my house and slept in the same bed as me for the first time in a long damn time. Then a few nights ago we fell asleep with our feet tangled together.

We didn't freak out. We just let it happen, and yesterday, we held hands in public...sort of. It was under a blanket during movie night at Dak's and we _were_ watching a scary movie, but still, it happened.

And it's all made me so fucking confused. Are we together? Does he want to be together? Is he even into me or is he just confused? I have so many questions and no answers in sight.

Which leads me to tonight, where I plan to lay it all out there on the line for him. I _have_ to know what's going on inside his head. I can't stand this back and forth any longer.

"You're insane for making me do this." James complains as he finally pulls himself up into the treehouse.

"Oh hush. You're fine."

"I know, but that's not what I'm talking about here."

See? _That's_ my issue. Him saying things like that. Is he flirting or just being a smartass? Or am I an idiot who needs to stop reading into things?

 _Probably the latter._

James stands to his full height and brushes his hands off on his jeans. "Man am I glad we were smart enough to think ahead and build this thing tall."

"I don't think that was us at all, actually. I think it was just a result of having two tall guys helping us build it."

"Yeah." He nods. "But I'd rather not give those jackasses credit for anything."

"I'm surprised your mom called off the divorce."

"I'm not." He scoffed. "She likes his money too much to let him go. She'd rather he sleeps his way around the city than give up that cash flow."

I shake my head, knowing he's not exaggerating in the least. I make my way to the corner of the treehouse where I stashed a cooler and flip open the lid. "You want a drink?"

"Do I ever. Tequila, all of it."

"I only brought beer, nothing hard."

He mutters something, and I swear it sound just like _I'll show you something hard_ , but I ignore it and grab us each a beer. I twist the tops off on the way to the makeshift seating area, AKA, a few bean-bag chairs.

"Here." I hold his bottle out to him as I plop down into the seat. "If I'd known what a shit day you've had, I'd have packed differently."

"Nah, it's cool. The last thing I need is to get drunk up in a treehouse with you."

My body stills. _With me?_ What in the hell is that supposed to mean. Why _specifically_ with me?

I didn't plan on getting into this with him so soon, but this is now the second-third if I heard him correctly a few moments ago-time he's said something flirty.

I can't ignore this anymore. I need answers.

For courage, I guzzle my entire beer, and then I turn James' way.

"With me?"

It's all I say. It's all I have to say, because he knows what I'm asking.

It's his turn for liquid courage as he takes a sip from his bottle. He nods. "With you."

"Specifically?"

"Specifically."

I settle back into my chair and adjust myself until I'm comfortably looking up at the ceiling...or where the ceiling should be.

Dak's always been obsessed with the stars. The kid used to beg us to lie in the grass for hours every night and count them with him. So, when we came up with this genius idea to build a treehouse, he insisted we have a removable section in the roof for stargazing.

I stare up at the night sky, trying to muster up the courage to ask James the biggest question of them all. What the hell this is we're doing.

But I'm scared, a feel-the-terror-down-to-my-bones kind of scared. If he isn't into me, that's fine. But if he has a problem with me being bi, then we're done. Our entire friendship will be flushed right down the fucking toilet, and I'm not ready to lose him.

Alternatively, if he _is_ into me and he _is_ okay with me being bi, what does that mean for us? Would we kiss? Would we _date_? Would we do anything about it at all?

I want to find out. I _need_ to find out.

But I'm terrified out of my mind of the outcome. But before I can even say anything, James speaks.

"I'm thinking of asking Stephanie out again."

I gnash my teeth together so hard I fear I might have broken one as rage washes over me.

Is he fucking kidding me right now? After _all_ this shit, he's going to get back with his ex? Like we haven't been spending the last few weeks testing the waters?

I cannot believe this asshole.

"You're joking, right?"

He purses his lips, contemplating,, and then takes another drink from his beer. "I...I don't think I am."

"It's a simple question, James. Either you're joking or you're not. No fucking middle ground." I practically growl at him.

He spares me a glance before resting back on his bean bag and staring at the night sky.

I lean forward and glare at his relaxed form. How can he just sit there, so relaxed, like he doesn't have a care in the world after making that kind of announcement?

"James."

"Kendall."

"Come on, man…"

His eyes slide my way. They're hard and challenging. "Come on, what?"

I run a hand through my hair, frustrated as hell. He wants me to say it out loud. He wants me to put a voice to all this sexual tension between us.

"This…Th-th…"

Fear rips through me, and I can't get the words to come out. _Us. This. The flirting, the touching, the jacking off together._ No matter how I try to phrase it, I can't say it.

Finally, I settle on a neutral ground. "You know what."

"Do I?"

"Yes." I grit out.

"Huh. I can't think of anything…"

I fly off the chair and he's quick on his feet, meeting me halfway. We stand face to face, chests heaving, nearly brushing.

"Are you done?" I ask him.

His tongue darts from his mouth and rolls over his bottom lip before he says, "Are _you_?"

The action causes that now familiar stirring in both my stomach and my cock, and I fight to suppress a moan.

I hate that this is happening, that I'm so fucking attracted to him that I can't even control my body when I'm pissed at him. I hate that I want my best friend in ways that are so unfamiliar to me, in ways that could change everything we know.

And most of all, I hate that I don't know if he feels the same or not.

I flick my eyes away for only a moment while I contemplate my next move.

 _Do I test the waters? Do I try to find answers for us both? Do I...kiss him?_

"Ja-"

It's all I can get out before his lips are pressing against mine. We don't move. Time stands still, and the world goes quiet, or at least it seems that way.

The feeling is foreign, but not unwelcome. His lips are so much softer than I predicted they'd be, but it's not quite what I was expecting. It's... _more_.

His touch is gentle, hesitant, like he's so scared he'll screw this up that he's too afraid to do anything.

Taking the initiative, I step closer to him, our lips sealing together. Tentatively, I reach out, my fingers colliding with his. I lift my other hand and bring it to his face, cradling his cheek in my palm. He presses into my touch and reaches out on his own, his left hand landing on my hip and pulling me into him.

After what seems like ages, we finally move our lips. The touch is gentle, cautious. My thumb sweeps over his cheek and he releases a soft sigh as his fingers curl into my hip.

Feeling emboldened by his reaction, I tilt his head to the side and sweep my tongue across his lips. He opens at once, and our mouths begin their own dance as we finally give in to everything. We pull at one another, trying to get as close as we possibly can, like we know we need to savor this like these are our last breaths.

 _Our last first kiss._

The weight of him pressed against me isn't what I'm used to, and not in a bad way. His hard body against mine, the curves of his muscles, it feels so...natural, like this was always what I was waiting for.

I can feel his arousal growing against my leg, and there's no way he doesn't feel what he's doing to me. My hips move of their own accord, looking for the friction only he can provide, and I rub my hard cock against his leg.

Another sigh.

More pulling. More kissing. More _everything_.

And then all at once, he wrenches his mouth from mine.

Before he can run, I clasp my hands around his neck, holding him to the spot and resting my forehead against his as we struggle to catch our breaths.

I feel like I've just scaled the tallest mountain in the world and now I'm free falling back down to solid ground, and I never want to hit it.

"Kendall."

My name leaving his lips is my undoing, and before I can stop myself, I'm pressing my mouth against his once again. This time it's hurried and unapologetic as our lips collide in a messy rush. My hands find their way into his hair.

His fingers inch under my t-shirt and around my back, his nails biting into my lower back as he pulls me closer, my cock brushing his leg again.

Instead of pulling away again, he begins shuffling us backward. I let him lead, surprised when my back crashes against the wall of the treehouse. I'm even more surprised when James settles against me, his dick lining up perfectly with mine as our mouths tangle together.

I move, he moves. He moves, I move.

It's an unending push and pull as we rub against one another, searching for the pressure and touch we both need but are too afraid to ask for.

"Oh fuck. _Fuck_." He mutters against my mouth as he drives into me again.

I let out a loud groan. I'm about to burst, the friction of my jeans and him rubbing against me becoming too much all at once.

I tear my mouth from his. "Stop." I beg. "Stop. I'm either going to come or I'm going to die of blue balls."

His movements halt and a soft laugh escapes him, his lips still resting against mine, eyes closed. He glides his fingers back around to my stomach, his touch lingering like he'll never be this close to me again, and then he retreats entirely.

He tries to pull away, but I don't let him, tightening my grip on him. He takes the hint and our chests brush together as we work ourselves down from out highs.

My mind is stuck on an oval track, racing around and around.

 _What just happened? What does this mean? Did we just do that? What the fuck does this mean?_

"Ken?" He whispers. His voice sounds so...broken. Frightened. Apprehensive.

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck did we just do?"

I let out a dry laugh and press a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I don't know, man. I don't fucking know."

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it. Kames in the present seem to possibly be back on the road to normal. We also got another flashback of teenage Kames where they shared their first kiss!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!** **There's only a few more chapters left, but I've loved hearing all of your thoughts so far! :)**

 **The next chapter will be up a little later this weekend, so you won't have to wait too long for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with yet another chapter!**

 **Before we get started though, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing last chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 ** _Present Day_**

I haven't talked to Kendall in three days.

The last time I went this long without speaking to him was after we kissed for the first time. We panicked and ignored each other until we just couldn't stay away any longer.

We had lasted exactly three days.

I glance at myself in the mirror for the last time before I head downstairs to join in the drunken festivities. My hair is an artful mess and my green shirt makes my eyes pop, so I guess that'll have to do.

 _It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone._

The noise assaults my ears the moment I step outside of my bedroom, and I cringe.

I hate loud, and I really hate parties.

Lucy is lucky I love her and owe her one because I 'ate all the nacho cheese sauce'. I mean, can you blame me? It was delicious.

"Headache, from all the noise and alcohol. I have a feeling it'll hit in about an hour and I can sneak away to hide in the bedroom all night."

I turn toward the voice and wish I hadn't looked.

Kendall looks hot...like, _really_ hot.

He's wearing a baseball-style tee with black sleeves and a dark green center. The top two buttons are undone, and I itch to trace my tongue along his chest. It's been too fucking long.

His hair is messy in an _I just got out of bed_ look, but I know he spent at least ten minutes arranging it.

The thing that's threatening to bring me to my knees? _His smell._ The familiar oak with just a hint of ginger slams into me, and I want to bury my face in the crook of his neck.

"We should think of a signal." He goes on, pulling his bedroom door closed and trotting down the hall towards me. "Maybe I'll yawn and stretch." He snaps his fingers, grinning. "A code word! That's it. How about...pineapple? No one says that in normal conversation."

I can't take my eyes off him, can't stop the smile that begins to play at my lips. I can't stop my stupid attraction to him, can't help opening my mouth and pretending everything is normal, just as he is doing.

"Pineapple works."

We walk down the hallway side by side, and I don't miss the sharp inhale he takes as his arm brushes against mine. I'm certain he doesn't miss the falter in my step, the way I inch to the left to avoid all contact, because if I keep touching him, I'll want to kiss him, and if I kiss him, we're screwed.

I want to touch Kendall.

I want to touch Kendall _bad_.

I push the thoughts from my head as he leads us down the stairs and into the noisy kitchen where a group of college students are crowded together around the kitchen table.

"Kendall! James! Finally!" Lucy greets. Her cheeks are flushed and the drink in her red cup almost sloshes out. She's sitting on Dak's knee and he's staring at her with this sort of _help me_ look on his face. We learned recently that Lucy Stone cannot hold her alcohol. It only takes a couple small glasses of pretty much anything alcohol-related to get her trashed.

I raise a brow at Dak, silently asking how many she's had so far, and he holds a finger up, indicating that she's had one.

"Only one?" Kendall whispers. "It's going to be a _long_ night."

"I was wondering if I was going have to come up and get you two." She says. "Grab a drink. We're playing Monopoly."

I shake my head. "No way. That game ruins friendships. There's no way I'm playing it with my closest friends."

"Ruins friendships? Does not." She argues. "We're playing."

"Fine." I hold my hands up. "Just know that when we're all fighting and hating each other an hour from now, you're to blame."

She giggles and takes another drink, draining the cup. She frowns when she realizes her cup is empty, and it's so overly exaggerated that it's cute. Dak laughs and gently pushes her off his lap, grabbing her cup and heading to refill it.

I follow him over and pull open the cabinet, grabbing a glass from the top shelf and twisting off the top of a nearby two-liter.

"No liquor tonight?" Dak asks.

"Who says I'm not adding to it?"

He watches as I pull a bottle of vodka from the freezer and pour some into my Sprite.

"It's so weird you don't put ice in your drinks." He remarks.

I shake the frozen bottle his way. "That's why I freeze it. Keeps it cold." I bring the glass to my lips and take a sip. "The ice just waters everything down."

"Spoken like a true drinker." He chuckles as he fills Lucy's cup up about halfway before grabbing a bottle of water for himself. He nods his head for me to look behind me when I raise a brow at him and says, "Someone's gotta stay sober tonight."

I turn to find Kendall throwing back a shot of whiskey then popping the top off a beer.

 _Shit._

"Oh!" Lucy claps her hands together. "I haven't introduced everyone." She points to a cute brunette girl sitting to her left and then to the guy sitting next to her. "This is Kate and Tyler. They're together."

They both give a smile and a polite wave.

Next she points to a guy with dirty blond hair. He's sitting at the end of the table alone, and I have to admit, he's hot.

"Jett, say hey." She can hardly contain her giggles as she says this. "We're taking an advanced photography class together."

"Hi, I'm James." I extend my hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Hey, thanks for letting us come have a game night."

"No problem, man." I said, pulling out a chair and sitting next to him.

I'm acutely aware of Kendall resting against the island behind me, his eyes burning into the back of my head. The heat he's radiating is making me sweat, and I can feel the dampness forming on my nape.

"Do you go to school around here?" Jett asks.

"Yep. Same college as Lucy. You?"

"Nah. I graduated last spring. I'm just taking the photog class for fun while I continue trying to find a J-O-B."

"Slim pickings?"

"That, and I'm picky." He winks. "I know what I want and won't settle for less."

"I can respect that."

Kendall scoffs, and I try not to react to him.

His oaky scent wafts closer as he takes a seat in the empty chair beside me, his arm brushing against my shoulder as he scoots around. It feels like _so_ much more than a light touch.

I love it and hate it all at once.

"I'm Kendall." He says, inserting himself into our conversation with a flirty grin. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Jett's lips tilt up at the corners, and it doesn't take a genius to decipher that look in his eyes. His interest is officially piqued.

Without a thought, I move my hand to cover Kendall's thigh in a possessive manner. It doesn't take long for any of us to take note of what I've just done.

Kendall stiffens, and my entire body lights with a desire so strong, it takes me by surprise. It's been a long time, too fucking long, since I _really_ touched him.

His muscles jump beneath my palm, and I relish the feeling. Kendall feels good under my touch, natural.

Jett's eyes flick to where my hand rests and the spark in his eyes dims. _Good._

Kendall shifts and my hand falls away as he adjusts himself in his chair, pulling it closer to the table and resting his elbows on the surface. His gaze slides my way and our eyes collide. His brow raised in question, a smirk tugging on his lips.

I arch my brow in return, just _daring_ him to say something.

He doesn't, and we let the moment go.

I don't want to think about the jealousy that was racing through my veins or the way I want to lean over and press my lips against Kendall's, telling the entire room he belongs with me.

I don't want any of that on my mind tonight. I'm supposed to be having fun, enjoying myself, and that's just what I plan to do.

"Ah, Jo, there you are!" Lucy calls from the end of the table. She's pulling out the game board and setting it up while Dak sorts through the money.

I pause mid sip of my vodka and soda and turn in time to see a blonde haired girl come strutting down the hallway and into the kitchen. She's dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a T-shirt, and when she takes a seat next to Kendall, she smiles his way.

"I don't think we've met."

"Kendall." He says politely.

"Jo." Then she leans around him, a genuine smile plastered on her face. "And what about you?"

"James."

"Ah." She says. "I've heard about you two. Lucy speaks highly of you both."

Kendall and I exchange a glance, confused, because there's nothing good about us lately and we both know it.

"Attention!" Our nearly drunk hostess claps her hands to gain our attention. "Game play will begin in five minutes. Refill your drinks while you can."

A scuttle of chairs scrapes across the floor, but I stay seated.

Kendall reaches down and grabs my glass, knowing exactly what it is I'm drinking, and heads to the counter to replenish it. Jo follows, and Jett stays by my side.

"You're not drinking?" I ask to make conversation.

"Nah. It's not really my thing. Besides, I'm the designated driver tonight."

"I'm not usually a drinker myself, but tonight called for some liquid courage."

"To deal with your man?"

I snap my attention his way. "Huh?"

He nods toward Kendall. "All that sexual tension. I assume you're needing the booze to deal with it." My eyes widen at his observation and he laughs, his straight white teeth flashing my way. "You have no idea how palpable it is, do you?"

"We're, uh, we're not together."

"Oh? Did I misread your hand on his thigh earlier? Are you two not dating?"

"Not so much."

"Huh." He settles back into his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "That's surprising. I could have sworn I was right in having you pegged as gay."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "Don't worry, your gaydar is functioning just fine. I _am_ gay, I'm just not dating him...anymore."

"Ah, now _that_ makes much more sense. Unresolved issues, underlying sexual tension...it's all clicking now."

I tilt my head, studying him as he studies me.

He shrugs. "What? I'm an expert at body language."

Sitting forward, I rest my elbows on the table and lean his way. "Are you now? What's my body language saying now?"

Jett grins and leans himself closer. "It says you're trying your best to act cool and flirty but you're failing miserably because you can't even relax your shoulders long enough to make it convincing."

 _Son of a…_

Another inch closer. "You're bracing for his reaction, _yearning_ for it. Deep down, you want him to be jealous of this little conversation."

 _Fuck. That's exactly what's happening._

He glances his eyes to where I know Kendall is standing and then back to me. "It's working, just so you know. He can't take his eyes off of you, not even with Jo running her fingers over his arm."

I grit my teeth at the image and suddenly feel a weight pressing in my stomach.

"Relax." He says softly. "He's not paying her any attention. He's tuned in to you."

He moves in ever closer, his mouth mere inches from mine at this point.

"I'm going to laugh obnoxiously and touch your arm. Don't flinch."

I nod, and then Jett bursts into laughter and brushes his hand over my arm. I do well. I don't flinch, not even when all movements seem to come to a halt at the other end of the table.

Jett throws me a sly wink and sits back in his chair, a smug grin on his face.

Kendall and Jo find their way back to the table, and Kendall practically slams my glass back in front of me.

I hate to admit it, but his actions cause my lips to twitch in victory.

Then I feel like an idiot. I'm not supposed to be down here making Kendall jealous, I'm not meant to be thinking of him at all. We're friends. Or at least, we're working on getting our friendship back. That's all tonight is supposed to be. Fun among friends, not petty games.

 _I'm an ass._

Instead of each taking a game piece, we decide to break off into teams of two, that way there's more of the board open for playing. Dak and Lucy, Kate and Tyler, Jo and Kendall, and me and Jett make up the teams.

We roll the dice to see who goes first then it's off to the races.

We're shoving money back and forth, cursing over missed properties, and basically throwing down the gauntlet whenever we get the chance. Not one of us is playing fair, and that's why an hour later, just as I predicted, we're on the verge of collectively flipping the table. There is no way any one team is going to come out on top fairly.

"You owe me $600!"

"I do not! You owe _me_ $200 so I only owe you $400. I passed Go, you brat!"

The worst part of it all is that I'm not even interested in the game. I couldn't tell you which square we're sitting on, or even which game piece is ours. I've let Jett handle everything because the only thing attracting my attention right now is the way Kendall's arm feels brushing against mine.

I can't peel my eyes from him. The smile splashed across his face, the bright green of his shining eyes. The way his tongue hangs out of the corner of his mouth whenever he's concentrating. The subtle way he mouths the dollar amounts as he counts his bills. The way his fingers curl around the edge of the table when he's nervous someone's going to pass up his space and he won't get paid.

Everything he does, no matter how little it is, captivates me.

It's the first real spark of anything I've felt in a long time.

I'm going to explode if I don't do something about it...and soon.

"Pineapple!"

The room falls silent, and then a loud laugh whoops from beside us as Kendall falls into a fit of laughter.

"Uh, what?" Lucy questions.

The fire in my cheeks spreads as I realize everyone is staring at me, confused as hell, besides Kendall. It's easy to see he's in on the joke and no one else is.

"I, uh, was wondering if we had any pineapple juice? I want to try some with my vodka. Just got a wicked craving for it."

Kendall's laugh grows raspier, his laughs dissipating. He gasps for air, trying so hard to collect himself as he beats his chest.

"Maybe try the pantry." Dak suggests as he goes back to counting his money.

Nodding, I turn on my heel and quickly make my way from the seating area and around the corner to the laundry room that doubles as a pantry. I push open the door and flip on the light, walking into the large space and clasping my hands around my neck, blowing out a harsh breath.

My heart is beating a mile a minute and I'm so fucking close to marching back out that door, grabbing Kendall by his collar, and dragging him upstairs.

I can't stand sitting so close to him, can't stand acting like everything is normal between us. I certainly cannot fucking take this constant push and pull of _want_ and _anger_ I feel toward him.

A soft thump lands against the door, and I turn to find Kendall standing at the entrance of the room.

There's a grin on his lips. "You okay? You used the safe word."

"No."

The word escapes me before I really think about what I'm saying. His face contorts into concern and he walks toward me, letting the door fall into place and click closed.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I echo on a dry laugh. "You."

He grabs at his chest. "Me? Why?" He frowns, and his arms drop to his sides, his hands curling into fists. "What'd I do now?"

'You...you fucking... _ugh_!" I groan.

"Spit it out."

"You're just _you_!" By some miracle, I don't yell the words, but urgency and a silent prayer for understanding are rooted in each one.

"I'm me? What does that even mean?"

"It means I'm an idiot."

"Okay." He says, dragging the word out in uncertainty. "I don't think you're an idiot."

"Oh, I am, and I'm a glutton for fucking punishment."

"How so?"

 _How so?_ This whole night is a prime example. The _only_ reason I agreed to game night was because Dak begged me, said Lucy wanted to try something different, to have people over, and I can't deny them anything.

So, I obliged, promising I'd be there with a smile, ready to party. I even told her I'd be fine with Kendall being there, and at the time I had meant it.

Having Logan over at the house last weekend and then staying downstairs and eating dinner with Kendall for the first time since the breakup instead of hiding in my bedroom...it all felt so _freeing_ , so normal.

And normal is something I really fucking miss.

Tonight was supposed to be all about getting back to normal, being _me_ again.

"I came down here to…" My voice trails off. _God_. I hate that my emotions are trying to claw their way out of me, that I want nothing more than to cross this space and pull him into my arms, crush my mouth to his.

His stupid fucking mouth.

His blond hair is a mess on his head, lips swollen from I don't even know what, and I stare at them.

I hate them. I hate _him_.

 _Liar._

I love them, and I still love him.

The thought that I'll never be able to get back to normal, get back to me, because he is my normal and he is a huge part of me, it really hits home, and the urge to cry rushes over me.

Suddenly I can't even stand the sight of him, so angry that he's messed this up so badly. I was the original fuckup, but he drove that shit home.

I hate that things have turned out this way. He's my best friend, and I can't even be in the same room as him without wanting to burst into tears because we were stupid enough to take our friendship and try to turn it into more.

I feel like I wasted two years dating him and a lifetime loving him, especially when it's turned into this.

"I can't do this anymore, Kendall."

"Can't do what?"

"This. _Us_."

"There is no us." He throws back.

"And that's the problem. We were friends. _Best_ friends. Now all we do is tiptoe around each other, around our past, around New Year's. I fucked up, you fucked up, but we can't admit that, can't move past it. We can't go back to how things were before."

He crosses his arms over his chest and dips his chin, staring at the ground.

We don't speak for a long time, and I almost wonder if someone is going to come looking for us.

"You hurt me, you know." The words are whispered, so soft I'm not even sure I've heard him correctly. "When you told me I was too much, that we were too much, and you needed a break...it fucking _hurt_ , James. It tore right into me because I realized then that we lost something a long time ago and somewhere along the line, I stopped being your friend anymore. The fact that you could just toss me aside in every way hurt so damn bad."

He's not even finished talking and I'm already shaking my head.

"No, you weren't listening, Kendall. I told you that I needed _time_ , that I needed to sort some shit out, that I needed space. I needed _you_ , but in a different way." Frustrated, I scrub at my hair and let out a string of muttered curse words. "I was trying to get that back, to get the friendship back, and if I was going to make that happen, you had to step back from the boyfriend role for a little while."

I squeeze my eyes shut, the memories of the explosive fight filtering through my mind.

"But you wouldn't listen. You just got so... _mad_ , and you walked away." I swallow past the lump in my throat. "And then...well, you know the rest."

"New Year's."

I nod. "And that's what sealed our fate."

"A miscommunication."

Another nod. "Which really says a lot about how complacent we'd grown with one another. We didn't listen. We didn't care. We got lazy. We got _comfortable_."

"I always thought that was something to aspire to in a relationship, feeling comfortable with someone. I didn't realize being comfortable could tear two people apart."

"It's that moment when you stop thinking of you as _you_ , when you move in this pattern of _us_ and you forget that you need to come first. Always. I did that, Kendall. I forgot about me."

His eyes trace over me as he listens to what I say, as he understands it. "I was too scared of losing you to realize that."

I give him a sad smile. "Yeah."

Kendall lets out a strangled breath and wipes a finger under his eyes before shoving his hands into his pockets. "I think this might be the most open and honest conversation we've had in a really long time."

"I think we needed it."

"I think you're right."

The silence consumes us again and the noise from outside filters through the door, making me realize we just left them out there high and dry. We've been in here longer than is probably appropriate, and I can't imagine the things going through their minds right now.

Me, personally, I'm a mess. I have so many emotions running through me. I'm relieved and angry and anxious and unsure all at once.

 _Is he going to expect us to fall back into each other's arms? Is he going to expect us to become an_ us _again? Am I?_

I...I don't know, but I do know it's not something I'm ready to think about right now.

"Listen, I think that was enough soul searching and sharing for one night. I'm going to head back to my room and lie down. As much as I love Dak and Lucy and their game night, I can't do any more Monopoly. I'm out."

He nods and doesn't try to stop me as I slide past him and toward the door. My hand is resting on the knob when he speaks again, and it's nothing like what I was expecting him to say.

"Our room. It's _our_ room."

That anger rears its ugly head again, and it's obvious in my clipped tone when I respond.

I turn towards him. "It _used_ to be ours. It _used_ to be our safe place, but you ruined that, Kendall. You ruined that when you put your lips on someone else after our fight. _You_ are the one who turned it into _my_ room. You're the one who created this rift between us. We could have overcome the fight. We could have worked together to work on things after you had calmed down, but we didn't do that, and you made sure of it." I huff out an irritated breath. "Stop moping around like _I'm_ the one who's turned this into what it is. I might have started the fire, but you fed it."

His green eyes burn with anger. "How long are you going to be mad at me? You've already said it's on _both_ of us."

"And I meant that. But _you_ kissed someone else in _our_ bed. I can be pissed off as long as it takes for me to get over it."

He curls his lips back in disgust and marches toward me, his chest puffed out and almost brushing against mine. "Get over it? Like it's that fucking simple?"

"No, and that's the hardest part about all of this. I'm trying, Kendall. I really am."

My words are whispered, and he staggers back at them, his features softening.

"James…"

He reaches out, and for the first time in months, I let him really touch me.

His fingers are shaking, his touch ghosting along my cheek. I don't mean to lean into him when his hand cups my face. I don't mean to let out a moan at the contact.

But I do, and he doesn't miss a second of it.

Before I know it, his lips are on mine, and he pressing kiss after kiss against me.

I try to fight it, try not to react, but I can't help it.

I want this too much to deny myself.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah... a pretty big chapter for Kames. They _finally_ talked about the New Year's fight and of course the kiss at the end. Plus, you know, a little meddling from Jett and a game of Monopoly. **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up soon.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get to that, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, and annabellex2 for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I don't know what made me reach out to him. It was probably the way his voice broke on his whispered words, or maybe it was the pain I saw swimming in his bright hazel gaze.

His stubble scrapes under my fingertips and I'm surprised when he leans into the touch, dazed when he lets out a quiet moan.

Either out of habit or pure desire, I press my lips to his. At first, neither of us move, afraid.

And then it's like we can't get enough of one another.

I've missed this, missed the way his lips move against mine, the way his hair feels sliding through my fingers, the slight bite of his nails against my waist as he drags me closer, the way he feels wrapped up in my arms.

I missed every single fucking second of it.

We stumble around until he's pinned between me and the wall. A low grunt escapes his lips as I line my body up with his, the want I have for him clear as day. I push my hips into him and he tosses his head back, breaking our kiss.

"Oh hell." He murmurs.

I drag my lips down his chin and over his throat, nipping at the sensitive skin as his hands roam over my back. He pulls at the hem of my shirt and I take the hint, yanking my mouth from his only long enough to slide it over my head and toss it aside.

Then my mouth is back to his throat. I suck and nibble and drag my tongue over every part I know is susceptible to my kisses. The base of his throat, his collarbone, and just under his ear on the right side. He lets out the softest of moans at each point of contact, all the while rutting into me like a horny teenager all over again.

His hands find my hair and he grips at the ends, pulling my head away and then slamming his lips onto mine just as he spins us around. This time I'm the one pinned, and I like it.

James peppers kisses along my jawline, over the column of my neck, down until he's kissing a trail across my chest. He darts his tongue out, circling my nipple, and the moment he makes contact, I inhale a sharp breath.

His kisses continue down my stomach, and I wrap my hands into his hair as he falls to his knees, his fingers moving to the button on my jeans.

I'm struck with a vision of the past. This was always one of his favorite places to be, between my legs with my desire for him staring him in the eyes. I was his to do with as he pleased, and he knew it.

He adeptly unsnaps my jeans and begins peeling the material down my thighs, sliding them over my ass but not all the way down...just enough for access.

I stand there at his mercy, shirtless with my pants halfway down my thighs and a hard-on that's going hurt in the morning if something doesn't happen soon.

My cock strains against my boxer briefs, the anticipation nearly killing me. I can already feel the wet spot of pre-cum soaking my underwear.

 _Fuck._

He drags his hands around my backside, squeezing my ass cheeks in his palms and pulling me closer as he leaves open-mouth kisses over my waist. He curls his fingertips into the band of my briefs, mouth only inches from my straining dick. I can feel the heat from his breath fanning over my length. My body reacts naturally, my cock jumping at the warmth, begging it closer, and that's when everything becomes so real.

My dick brushes against his lips.

He stops.

I stop.

 _Time_ fucking stops.

With a low groan, he drops his head to my thigh, dragging in sharp breaths as he tries to get himself under control. His hands leave my body and I watch as they curl into frustrated fists. He presses his head into my thigh out of frustration, and I realize I'm still holding on to his head.

Tentatively, I stroke my fingertips through his hair, waiting for him to say something, to _do_ something.

He doesn't, and neither do I. We stay like this for several moments, and I'm so worked up and confused that I don't think I breathe the entire time.

A gentle kiss is pressed to my thigh then he's pulling away entirely and climbing to his feet, scurrying from the room before I can stop him.

The door slams shut with a deafening click, and I'm left standing there shirtless and horny and trying to figure out exactly what just happened and why it hurts so fucking much.

XxX

Holding my hand to the door, I stand in the hallway, straining to hear even the smallest noise come from the bedroom I once shared with James.

There's nothing.

I give the knob a try, surprised to find it twist so easily in my hand. With a minimal amount of hesitation, I push the door open and walk inside.

James is sitting on his makeshift bed, knees pulled up with his face buried in his hands.

Even though the words hang on the end of my tongue, even though my fingers tingle with the need to reach out to him, I don't say a word, and I don't comfort him.

I simply take a seat on what used to be our bed and wait.

Nothing happens.

I scoot up on the bed and lie backward, waiting some more. I'm unsure how long we remain in the silence before James shuffles around. Rolling onto my stomach, I peer over the edge of the bed to find him lying on his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling unblinkingly.

Though we have so much to talk about, we still don't speak. We'll have to save it for another day. I think tonight's confession session along with the kissing was enough to drain us both.

One thing I know for certain, though, is that this isn't over between us. Not by a long shot.

That fire we've always had, it's still there, still ready to roar. We still have things to work through, but I'm not ready to give up on us, not ready to walk away.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I reach over and run the backs of my fingers down his cheek. His eyes fall shut, and his body visibly relaxes. I continue lazy strokes until his breathing evens out and I'm certain he's asleep.

"I love you." I whisper, words that haven't left my mouth in months.

I close my eyes and bury my face into the crook of my arm, trying to get comfortable on the bed.

Something brushes against my hands where it hangs over the side of the mattress, and I don't move as James laces his fingers with mine.

"If you say so."

The words...they're so quiet that for a second, I wonder if I imagined him saying them.

But then his mouth ghosts over my knuckles, and I know I didn't.

He said it, and I know in this moment that there's hope for us.

XxX

 _ **Two and a half years ago**_

"We."

 _Kiss._

"Need."

 _Kiss._

"Mmm…" He hums. "To."

 _Kiss, kiss, kiss._

"Talk."

I pull back and peer down at him. "About?"

He sighs and licks at his wet lips. "Us."

Sitting up on my knees so I'm straddling him, I feels my brows pinch together. "What about us?

James gently pushes at me and I take the hint, rolling off him and sitting cross-legged beside him. He sits up and rests his back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him. Though his form screams relaxed, I know he's anything but. I can see the way he's working his bottom lip between his teeth, and he keeps flicking his gaze away, not wanting to meet my eyes.

In the last few weeks, we've spent more time together, each visit turning into a tangle of mouths and tongues. I'm definitely not complaining, but he is right.

We need to talk about us.

"What are we doing, Kendall?"

"Having fun?" I shrug.

He lets his head land against the headboard in a huff. "Is that _all_ this is? Fun?"

I let my fingers pick at the comforter covering his bed while I find the best way to answer his question. I don't want to answer with something that's going to scare him. I also don't want to lie to him.

This isn't just fun for me. This is something...more, something meaningful, and if that's not what it is for him, I'll be crushed.

"I want this to be whatever works best for you." I finally answer him.

"What if what works best for me doesn't work for _you_?"

I glare at him. "Are you trying to make this more complicated?"

He lets out an unamused chuckle. "No, and that's what sucks."

"Okay, then let's figure this out. Do you like ki-"

The word gets stuck in my throat. This is the first time I've spoken out loud about what it is we've been doing. I have no problem kissing James-hell it may even be my favorite thing to do in the whole world-but talking about it? Fuck, that's _hard_.

I suck in a sharp breath and spew out the words. "Doyoulikekissingme?"

"Yes." No hesitation. "Do you like kissing _me_?"

"I do."

"Good." He nods. "Do you...want to _keep_ kissing?"

"More than anything." I meet his eyes for the first time since we started talking about this. I need him to see how sincere I am.

He slowly swallows, and I watch as his Adam's apple bobs in his throat, making me want to reach over and suck on that tender spot at the base of his neck.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." I answer.

"Are you...gay?"

I bark out a laugh. "No...but yes. Sort of. I'm still into girls, if that's what you're asking."

"You're bi?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think that's a good way to describe it. What about you?"

He darts his eyes away again, embarrassed. "I...I don't like girls."

"Not anymore?"

"Not ever."

My brows lift in surprise. "What about your ex? Stephanie? You two dated for months. Did nothing ever happen there?"

His cheeks flush. "No. We tried to make out once and I hated every second of it."

"Maybe she was just a bad kisser?"

"It was more than that. I just felt...nothing with her, not even a hint of attraction."

"And with me?" I ask boldly.

James sits up on his knees and leans my way, cupping my cheek and holding my stare with his own. "Everything. I feel everything with you."

He presses a gentle kiss to my lips, and I sigh the moment we make contact.

 _I feel everything too._

Moving away, he sits back on the bed, resuming his position from before. "I'm about ninety-eight percent sure I'm gay."

I grin at him. "So you're telling me there's a two percent chance I could talk you into a threesome?"

He shakes his head, laughing. "Unless you want her to get upset because I don't want a thing to do with her, I'd say no."

"Is it...because of me?"

"No, I've had this suspicion for a while. I always felt indifferent about women. You remember that one time you, me, and Dak found those nude magazines? You two were flipping out about them, and I was just sort of…"

"Uninterested. Yeah, I remember that. I just figured you were embarrassed or something."

"At first, I thought that was what it was too, that I didn't want to get aroused in front of you guys, but that night I went home and Googled similar images. _Nothing_ , not even a slight tingle in my dick. So, then I Googled dudes, and...well, yeah. _That_ did it."

I stare down at the blanket, working up the confidence to ask the next question.

"And what about me? When did you realize you were into me?"

"That one is a little harder to pin down. I think the night we watched that bi porno together definitely awakened something _more_."

"But it wasn't _the_ moment?"

"No." He tells me, shaking his head. "There were others. I'd…" He pauses and scratches at his chest. "I'd notice little things, like the way you'd smirk at your own inside joke. How you remember the strangest facts about people and try to bring them up in conversation, showing how you pay attention. The way your touch would linger. Your eyes."

Now _I'm_ the one blushing.

"What about you?" He asks. "When did you realize?"

"Honestly? I had a suspicion I was bi before the whole porn incident. I was sitting at a solid sixty percent, and that bumped it up to ninety."

"And the other ten percent?"

"That came from the multiple masturbation sessions I had with you in mind."

He kicks at me. "You did not."

"Oh, trust me, I did. _A lot_."

"Did?" He asks.

"Do." I grin at him.

His entire face lights up, but only for a moment. Then his lips are falling to a hard line, his eyes dimming and filling with questions.

"What?" I prompt.

"What does this mean for us? We like kissing each other, right? Are we going to do...more?"

"I'd like to do more eventually." I tell him honestly.

"I'd like that too. Do...Are we...Is this…"

I wait, knowing what he's going to ask.

I can't help him with this one, can't coax him into asking. I can't feed him lines or ideas. He needs to get there on his own, and I know he will.

I'm unaware of how long we sit there in the quiet, how long it takes for him to muster up the courage to ask me, how much I sweat anticipating his words.

"I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to ask this. I don't know the proper phrasing for things."

"Okay."

He pushes out a heavy breath. "Do you want to date? _Are_ we dating? Is this a relationship?"

"Yes."

"To which question?"

"All of it."

There isn't a moment of hesitation from me, and I can see he's pleased with my prompt response. I push myself up to my knees and edge closer to him. He grins up at me, welcoming me as I straddle his lap. His hands go to my waist and my palms over his cheeks.

I rest my forehead against his and place a quick kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Can I tell you something without you freaking out?" I ask.

He doesn't answer right away, and I kind of like that. "I can't make any promises. This whole situation kind of freaks me out."

"Me too." I admit. "And that's kind of what I want to talk about. Knowing our families, the society we live in, there will be backlash if we make a go at this. We'll probably lose friends, and have shitty people say shitty things about us, but at the end of the day, we'll have each other." I let out a shaky breath. "That's what makes me say I'm ready and willing to jump feet first into this with you."

I pull back and watch as he sits there, eyes closed, listening to me talk. It takes a moment for him to realize I've pulled away, and his hazel eyes flutter open. There's a slight smile on his face, and I can tell he's right there along with me, ready to take this ride.

"After what we just went through, what Dak is experiencing, I'm not too keen on spending so much time apart and living for anyone other than me. I want-no, I _need_ to see where things with us goes. I _have_ to give this a real shot, or I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

His eyes are filling with unshed tears, and he's not talking.

 _Fuck. Did I say something wrong? Is that not what he wanted? Shit, shit, shit!_

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing."

I frown. "Then why do you look like you're about to cry?"

"Kendall, at the end of the day, I'm gay. I've been so scared about the fact, so fucking terrified I'd end up alone and isolated for many years to come. But with you? I don't feel that. I'm not scared anymore. I've just been waiting for the courage to accept me and love me. _You_ give me that courage."

"I do."

"Of course." He nods.

"Then what's making you upset?"

"I'm not upset. I'm _grateful_."

"For?"

He leans forward, his lips ghosting over mine as he whispers, "You."

My heart hammers against my chest as something hits me, something new and exciting and hopeful and fun. It scares me and worries me and makes me feel like a fucking king all at once. I know exactly what it is.

And I have to tell him.

"Can I say something else that might freak you out?"

"Yes." He doesn't hesitate this time.

"I...I think I'm falling in love with you."

He doesn't move, doesn't breathe, but I can see it in his eyes, and I know I'm not alone in this.

Finally, his lips part, and I watch the words tumble from his grinning lips as a blush steals up his cheeks.

"If you say so."

* * *

 **Done! So it looks like Kendall and James are on the road to fixing things! You all also got another flashback to teenage Kames.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up sometime this weekend, so not too long of a wait for that. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get to the new chapter, I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **This chapter is on the short side, but I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I woke up this morning to an empty room, which kind of surprised me because I was certain I'd find Kendall on the bed. But he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

I fell asleep thinking about that time we decided we were a couple and wanted to give this thing a shot. It feels like so long ago now. We were ready to take on the world back then, to be together and make it work, and we did for a long time. Nearly two years, but then things got complicated.

Things got _real_.

And we couldn't hack it.

Am I still upset _with_ Kendall and upset _over_ Kendall? Yes, but that's on a whole different level than what I was feeling before.

Despite that anger, that hurt...I can't deny the spark he lights inside of me, and last night was proof of that.

I finish running the towel through my hair and pull out a pair of underwear and shorts from the drawers. I toss them on and a knock sounds at my door as I'm slipping a t-shirt over my head.

"You're not naked, are you?"

I chuckle at Dak's question since he already has the door open. "Nah. Come on in."

He strolls into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed and dipping his hands into his back pockets, his attention trained to the floor.

Translation, he wants to talk.

"Out with it already."

Dak lifts his head, a grin on his lips. "That obvious, huh?"

"Yep. So let's hear it. What do you want?"

"I just wanted to check on you after last night. You and Kendall disappeared, and I never got the chance to see what was up. Lucy was a little drunk and I had to deal with people by myself all evening."

The whole being friendly and having people over thing is new for Dak. He spent the last two and half years shut in at home and angry at the world, but Lucy, the bright light that she is, has begun to lure him back out of his shell, and we're all finally getting to know the old Dak again.

It's a nice change.

"So...how are things?" He pushes casually, or at least tries to.

"Fine."

"Oh, well that's nice."

His tone is making it hard not to laugh at him. He's trying to be subtle, and he doesn't do subtlety.

"Dak."

He sighs. "Shit. Fine. What's going on with you two, huh? You just had a guy over here last week-and by the way, what the fuck-and then last night you two sneak off during the festivities. At first, I thought the guy was here to make Kendall jealous, or your way of beating into his head that you're done, but then last night… Now I don't even know what the fuck is going on."

I don't answer. I slip my bottom lip between my teeth and begin to chew away at the soft skin, a horrible habit of mine that's grown significantly worse as of late.

"I mean, you _are_ done, right?" He asks.

More silence. Losing your significant other is hard. Losing your boyfriend _and_ your best friend is even harder. Beginning to lose yourself to depression, taking steps to better yourself, but _still_ losing your boyfriend and best friend?

It can fucking destroy you.

Last night felt like a step in the right direction, but I'm scared shitless to go there with Kendall again so soon.

"Jay." Dak prompts softly. "Come on, man. What's up?"

Tears sting at my eyes, but I refuse to get emotional and cry in front of him. I've never been that mopey, hand-me-a-tissue kind of guy, and I'm not about to start now.

"I don't know." I finally say. "I just...I really don't fucking know."

"Do you still…"

He doesn't have to voice it. I know what he's asking.

"Yes."

"Then what's the deal?" He's not asking to be mean, he's asking because he's genuinely concerned for his two best friends, and I love the guy for it.

"It's hard. It's hard to build that trust again...to talk to him, to look at him without having the scene from New Year's flash in my mind every time. All I can see is his lips connecting to a pair that isn't mine. I just...I can't get that out of my head, man." I lick at my lips. "And the shit end of it is that it's all my fault."

"Your fault? No, _he_ kissed someone else. That's on him."

I exhale a shaky breath, ready to finally admit my truth. I've let Kendall take the blame for this awkwardness between us for too long now.

"I, uh, I kind of broke up with him on New Year's Eve."

"What?" Dak balks. "No fucking way."

"Well, I guess I didn't _technically_ break up with him. But I did suggest we take a break so…" I scratch at the stubble on my chin. "Way."

"But...why?"

I lift a shoulder. "Everything was hitting me all at once and we were fighting a lot, and I thought things would be easier if we took a break."

Dak's jaw is hanging slack in surprise. "I had no fucking clue you two were having issues."

"We've always been private with our relationship, you know that. Besides, you were going through your own shit at the time. There was no reason to bother you with our problems."

"I'm your best friend. You guys can always come to me with your problems."

"I thought I had it all worked out, thought I was doing the right thing taking a break with him, but it only sent me spiraling further. So, I...uh, I started going to therapy."

He looks at me, nostrils flaring, eyes wide with concern and bewilderment. "You fucking _what_?!"

"Yep. I've been going since the end of January."

"And you didn't think that would be a good thing to tell your best friend about?!"

I hold a hand up. "Look, I love you like a brother, but it was my journey. I needed that for me. I couldn't have anyone else all up in my business."

"Not even Kendall?"

I shake my head. "No. Not even him."

"I...shit, I had no idea. It sucks that you didn't come to me, but I'm glad you reached out to someone and got help with your…"

"Shit?" I provide, not ready to talk about it for what it is. Depression.

He nods, staring off at the wall. I can almost see everything rolling around in his head. "Yeah, that. I was kind of in my own head last semester. I...I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I didn't ask you to be, so it's no sweat. Just maybe don't mention this to anyone else? I'm not sure I'm ready to tell Kendall just yet."

"And by not mentioning it to anyone else, you mean…"

I laugh. "You can tell Lucy. Just make sure she knows not to make it weird."

"What about now? You and Kendall, I mean...what was last night about?"

"Last night was… I'm not exactly sure what it was." I tap on my temple. "It's hard, you know."

"I know what that's like, having an image stuck in your mind on repeat. It's like going to the movies and there's only one show playing, and you really don't want to watch it." He drags a piece of lint off the comforter that hasn't been used in months and tosses it to the floor. "But what are you going to do? How are you going to fix this?"

"It...it might be too late. We click, sexually and emotionally, but I don't know if I can go back to that. It scares me. Plus, it nearly destroyed me the first time."

Dak lands a hand on my shoulder. "Trust me, I've heard _all_ about how sexually compatible you two are." He winks. "But I think you're right. You can't go back. You have to move forward. You just need to decide if you're doing it together or apart."

* * *

 **Done! Like I said, a short chapter, but a pretty important one for James and in terms of moving forward.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Next chapter will be up pretty soon, so you won't have to wait too long for that. ;)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I meant to post this earlier, but I got a little busy. So I figured I'd post it before I go to bed.**

 **Before we get into the new chapter though, I'd like to thank everyone that read the last chapter. I'd also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **Warning: Very... _intimate_ Kames overload this chapter. :P**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 **Me** : You busy tonight?

 **James** : No.

 **Me** : You wanna get together?

 **Me** : Just to talk.

 **Me** : No kissing.

 **Me** : Unless you really want to. I'd be down for that.

 **James** : Yeah, I think I'd like that.

 **Me** : The kissing?

 **James** : The getting together part.

 **James** : No kissing.

 **Me** : We'll see.

 **Me** : I'll meet you around seven?

 **James** : Meet me? Is this a…

 **Me** : Date? No, not if you don't want it to be. I just think it might be nice to take a drive and visit somewhere.

 **James** : Okay. I can do that.

 **James** : Seven is good.

 **Me** : See you then.

 **Me** : Oh, and James?

 **James** : Yeah?

 **Me** : I love you.

 **James** : If you say so

XxX

I rap my knuckles against a door that used to be partly mine, and the feeling is so strange. This was once my sanctuary, and now it feels so foreign.

"Coming." James calls out.

But he doesn't. I don't hear his footsteps or shuffling. There's nothing happening behind that door.

I gently push it open and slide inside.

He's sitting on the edge of the bed, head bent and stuffed between his hands.

"I don't know if I can do this."

I drop to my knees and sit in front of him, pulling his hands from his face. I place a finger under his chin and give him a nudge so we can make eye contact.

"What's going on? Talk to me."

"I'm scared."

"Scared? Why?"

"To be alone with you. I'm scared what happened the other night is going to happen again."

"And was that so bad?"

"It was...hard."

"Yeah. I saw."

"Not that, you pervert." He said in response, barking out a laugh in the process.

"I know, but it got you to laugh, right?"

"Yeah. You were always good at that, though."

I drop my hand to his thigh and give it a squeeze. "So, you ready to go?"

He stares down at me, and I can see in his eyes that he's still a little unsure.

"Hey, I'm not here to force you to do anything. If you're not ready, you're not ready. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

He nods, his eyes brimming with tears. "I know, and I really appreciate that."

"Do you want to just stay here? Because we can do that. Might make you feel safer."

"Where were you going to take me?"

I dart my eyes away. "The treehouse."

"No you weren't. That's private property now."

"We were going to trespass."

The land the old treehouse is on was sold after his parents' divorce, which means the last time we were up there was when we shared our first kiss.

And with the way he's looking at me, he's connected those dots.

"I… Let's go."

"Are you sure?"

He stands up, his cock now mere inches from my face.

I can't help it. I reach out for him. My hands land on his hips, and I hear him inhale a sharp breath.

He doesn't move, and I take that as an invitation.

Dragging my hands around the band of his jeans, I stop at the button and glance up at him, checking to make sure this is okay.

He's busy staring at the ceiling, his lip trapped between his teeth.

 _Oh, yeah. He's okay with it._

I snap open the button, the sound harsh in the otherwise quiet room. James' breathing quickens as I trail the zipper down its path, and mine is making quick work of catching up.

I grab his boxer briefs and make one quick tug, pulling them and his jeans down around his ankles.

Sitting back a bit, I take a moment to admire the man standing in front of me. It's been too long since I've had the chance to _really_ look at him, too long since I've had the pleasure of having him in this state. Eyes closed, head thrown back, lungs begging for air, hard cock jutting out to greet me.

"Just fucking touch me already." He says gruffly.

"In good time." I promise.

I place a hand on each thigh and drag them upward, circling back around to grab at his ass. I get a good handful of each cheek, squeezing them until he lets out a sigh, all the while his dick bobbing between the two of us.

Leaving one hand on his ass, I drag my fingers across his thigh and then lightly down his shaft. He lets out a sharp hiss and I snicker at his reaction.

"Teasing isn't fair." He mutters.

"I'll show you teasing." I say as I trace my tongue along his length.

James lets out a string of curses, and I can't help but laugh.

"You're an ass."

"You love it." _And me._

Just as I'm about to wrap my lips around the head of his dick, he rakes his hand through my hair, stopping me.

Glancing up at him, I raise a brow.

"Do a good job."

My own cock strains against my jeans at his words. He always was a mouthy son of a bitch in the bedroom.

I suck the head of his erect cock into my mouth and we both let out low moans. Feeling him between my lips, the weight of him on my tongue, his taste...it feels so fucking good. It feels _right_.

Wrapping my free hand around the base, I rock my tongue back and forth over the head of his cock, and it already has him rocking into me for more. It's been too long for the both of us and it's painfully obvious. With this boner in my pants, literally so.

Reaching down, I unsnap my jeans to relieve some of the pressure, continuing to work my mouth over James' hard cock, switching from mouth to hand and back, varying the pressure every few strokes.

He's already close. I can tell by the way his balls are drawing up tighter and tighter.

"I don't wanna come yet."

I pull my lips off his dick with a pop. "Then don't. Think about something else. Kittens, goats, whatever."

"G-goats?" He sputters.

"See? It's already working."

He grabs my head and pulls me back to him. "Just fucking suck."

"Yes, sir." I wink.

I do, and not even two minutes later, he's pulling me off and climaxing all over my second favorite shirt.

He falls back to the bed, gasping for air, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession. I wipe my mouth and glare at him, knowing he knows that I hate it when he does that.

"Really, James? Back to that?"

"What?" He sits lazily up on his elbows, that familiar satisfied grin of his lining his lips. "You wanted to swallow?"

"Uh, yeah. Plus, this is my second favorite shirt, you ass."

He grin only widens at my words, so I rip said shirt off and throw it his way before he can protest.

"Ugh! Gross!"

I let out a chuckle as he pushes himself off the bed and bends down to grab his underwear and pants, pulling them back up. He peers down at me, a pink color tinting his cheeks.

"Were you...uh… Did you need…?"

"To come?" I provide.

This has always been one of my favorite things about James. When we're in the heat of the moment, he's pushy, sexy as hell, and knows exactly what he wants. The moment we're finished, he's a bumbling idiot, and I love him dearly for it.

I wave him away. "No, I'm good."

"Are you sure? Because I can…"

"Suck my cock?" Another blush as I stand to meet his height. "I'm good, James, I swear. The promise of reciprocation wasn't what this was about."

"What was it about then?"

"Seriously? We haven't been together in months." I step closer to him, my mouth brushing against his skin. "I _miss_ you. _All_ of you." He shivers as my lips run over his. "Your laugh, your smile, your sense of humor. The way you say 'wahter' and the way you never pick your underwear up off the floor. Those bright hazel eyes, your head thrown back in ecstasy, the way you look after an orgasm. Every single thing."

"I…" He stops. " _Fuck_."

And then he's shuffling from the room, leaving me standing there, alone and confused.

* * *

 **Done! So, a short but important chapter.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **There are only two chapters left of this story! And since this chapter was so short, I will be posting the next chapter within the next couple of days. These last two chapters will be pretty short as well. I decided to keep it short and to the point instead of dragging it out, but I hope you all still enjoy!**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get into it, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I'm such a damn wuss.

I'll let Kendall shove my cock deep into his throat, but I can't stand hearing him talk about how much he misses me?

 _I'm a fucking moron._

I grip the edges of the bathroom sink and try to talk myself into walking back into the bedroom to face him.

I love Kendall. I can't and _won't_ deny it.

I'm just not certain if I'm ready to go back to what we were before.

Maybe Dak's right-that we can't go back, but we can move forward-but what if I'm too scared to try? What if I remember how good everything was once upon a time and stop trying to better my relationship, or myself? Then we're right back at square one, and all this suffering and pain was for nothing. I'm not sure I can handle going through all of that a second time.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

"Follow your gut. Be strong. Be smart. Be _you_." I mutter to myself.

 _Follow my gut._

I slam my eyes shut and push out a deep breath. Then another, and another. I do this until my mind is clear, until there's nothing there that'll sway my decision at all.

The next thing I know, I'm pushing my way into the bedroom.

"Where'd you get this?"

I lift my head to find him holding his burnt orange shirt. His first favorite shirt, the one I kept when he moved out of our room.

 _Shit._

"I, uh, I kept it."

"You kept it?"

"Why do you sound mad?"

He stares down at the shirt bunched in his hands. "I'm not. I'm...confused."

"About?"

"This." He shakes the material. "Why'd you keep it? After everything, why?"

Almost stoically, I take a seat on the bed next to him, my arm brushing against his.

"It felt right."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know." I answer honestly. "I don't know what any of this means, not even what we just did."

"I'll take you still being able to get hard for me as a good sign."

I shoot him an irritated glance. "You've never _not_ turned me on, not through this whole ordeal we've been through. Hell, I'm surprised you didn't hear me on the several nights I missed you a little too much and couldn't keep it bottled up any longer."

He lets out a dry laugh then sighs.

"What happened to us?"

"Nothing."

"Then where did I go wrong? When did we stop being us? When did we stop talking? Stop turning to one another when we needed help?"

I collapse back onto the bed, expelling a heavy breath. I cover my eyes with the heels of my hands and press hard, trying to push away the overwhelming worry that's starting to settle in my chest.

"It wasn't you."

"Are you trying to be all cliche on me? _It's not you, it's me_ type shit?"

"Not on purpose. I'm serious when I say it wasn't you."

He rests back on the bed next to me, adjusting himself until he's on his side, propping his head up on his hand and staring down at me. "Explain."

"It was…"

When I don't respond, don't move for several moments, he reaches out and lays a hand on my stomach. His fingertips dance over my skin, and I've missed his touch so fucking much.

"You don't have to tell me." He says reassuringly.

"I do. You _need_ to know."

"Well then you don't have to tell me tonight. Whatever is easiest for you, whenever you're ready."

"That's the thing. I _am_ ready. I'm just so fucking scared you'll never look at me the same again."

I feel his hands on my face, tilting my view his way. "There is nothing, not a single thing, that will make me look at you like you're anything less."

"I…" I lick my lips, ready to voice out loud what the doctor told me. "I was diagnosed with depression a couple months ago."

I brace myself, waiting for the look of pity or disbelief. The _It'll get better_ or the _You're just going through something_ phrases.

But I don't get any of that.

Instead, the love shining Kendall's eyes is almost blinding. The way he's looking at me is almost breaking my heart, in the best way possible.

"You said diagnosed. Does that mean…"

I nod. "Yeah, I saw a doctor shortly after we broke up. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed help."

"And now?"

A flash of embarrassment stings me, but I quickly remind myself there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help _or_ talking through your feelings with someone else.

"I'm in therapy."

His lips tilt up at the corners at my answer.

"What?" I push.

"It's nothing. I'm just...I'm proud of you, you know. Reaching out and getting help is a big deal, especially for you. That's not who you are at all. I'm really happy you did it."

"Th-thank you."

He lies down on his back, and we stay planted in the same position for so long that I fear he may have fallen asleep.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah?" He answers groggily.

"Are you, uh, mad at me?"

I can practically _hear_ him roll his eyes. "Why would I be mad?"

"Because I didn't talk to _you_."

"James," He says on a whisper. "I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt that you couldn't come to me, but I also understand. I probably would have found some way to make it about me. I would have thought _I_ was doing something to make you so...down, would have tried to look for ways to fix it."

"That's exactly why I tried to distance myself a bit, to get help elsewhere. I just...I think I went about it the wrong way. I panicked."

"And then I made it so much worse."

Kendall pulls himself up and straddles me. He brings his face inches from mine, his hands planted on the mattress around my head.

"I need you to know that I'm sorry. With everything inside of me, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, sorry I did what I did. I regret every single fucking second of that night. I hurt you. I hurt _us_. I'll never be able to take any of that back, but I hope we can move past it, can work through it."

He speaks with sincerity, and I know he's hurting too. I tried to fix me, destroyed him, and then he destroyed _us_.

That's how fucking complicated we are, and I'm hesitant to get mixed up in complicated again.

"I...I think I'd like that."

"I'm sensing a _but_ here." He grins, knowing me so well yet again.

"I need a little more time. I want to...make sure I'm giving the best version of me you can get. I want to make sure that if I slip again, I can work through it and not project so much onto you. I don't want to burden you, don't want to put that pressure on you. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. I just want to be sure, you know?"

A wrinkle forms between his brows as they scrunch together, and he chews on the corner of his lip.

He leans down, his body hovering above mine as his lips ghost along the shell of my ear.

"I want to be clear about something, Jay. You were never a burden to me. _Never_. Not once did I feel that way. Was I worried about you? Yes. Was I frustrated with you because you were closing yourself off from me? Yes. But you were not, and never will be, a burden. We'll navigate your depression together. We'll find ways to work through it together. You're never alone, not even when we're apart. I'm here for you, as your friend, your lover, your outlet, your cuddle buddy… whatever you need. Because I love you."

A shiver races through me with every word he utters. They curl around me, promising me a future with him. I love how they captivate me.

 _God, I love him._

But I need to learn to love me and take care of me too.

He pulls back and stares down at me, eyes soft and loving.

"If you say so." I whisper.

Then his lips are on mine.

* * *

 **Done! So there you have it! Gotta love emotional Kames! :P**

 **I'd love to hear you thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The final chapter will be up soon! And by soon, I mean by around Wednesday! :P**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Hello again everyone! We've made it to the last chapter of this story!**

 **Before we get into it though, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter and just this story in general. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing last chapter and sharing your thoughts throughout this story! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _I know we agreed to take some time apart, but I had to let you know I miss you already. It's only been six hours. How screwed up is that? Think of me when you when you dream. -Kendall_

 _Xxx_

 _Your laugh is my favorite thing about you. - Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _For the record, your dick and ass are tied for second place. - Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _You looked smokin' hot in my t-shirt this morning. - Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _I was thinking about you last night. It wasn't even in a pervy way either (I'll save that story for another note)._

 _It was that time your parents were out of town and we had the whole house to ourselves. It was the first time that had happened since we'd started sneaking around together._

 _I was thinking of the joy on your face, the weight that was lifted off your shoulders, the happiness that shined out of you. Man, I miss those simpler times._

 _But just know, I'm here for the tough ones too. Hell, I'll hold on even tighter through those._

 _I miss you._

 _-Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _I finally started watching The Office. There goes my weekend. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _No, seriously. I've been watching for sixteen hours straight. Netflix probably thinks I'm a robot or some shit. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _You had a piece of cheese stuck on your chin all throughout dinner tonight. You're welcome for not telling you sooner. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _Remember the other day when I said I might be a robot? Well, I just had an ad pop up on my Facebook for a website called robotsneedlovetoo_ _. What in the actual fuck? -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _I heard you that night._

 _You were alone in OUR room and you thought everyone else was asleep._

 _I wasn't._

 _I had gone downstairs to grab a bottle of water and I heard your moans, your cries for release. So, I stood there and listened...with my dick in my hand, pumping along to your harsh breaths._

 _I knocked my head against the door and I was scared you heard me, so I ran back to my room and finished under the blankets._

 _It wasn't nearly as satisfying as having your mouth wrapped around me, though. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _I'm here for you. Always. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _You make me a better person. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with life, I think of you. You're my calm. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _Did you seriously wear my shirt again? You do realize that the moment the thought of you in my shirt flits through my head, I'm hard, right? It'll be your fault if I'm caught with a boner in class. -Kendall._

 _XxX_

 _You take my breath away...which I find very rude because I'm asthmatic. -Kendall_

 _XxX_

 _I was lying in bed last night and all I could think about was how much I love you. About how lucky I am just to know you._

 _When you walked into that classroom in sixth grade with your braces and too-big glasses, I had no idea you were going to change my world, no clue you'd end up being my whole heart._

 _But you did, and you are._

 _And I love it so goddamn much._

 _-Kendall_

 _P.S. You're sitting at the kitchen table as I write this. Stop biting your lip._

 _XxX_

 _Meet me in the treehouse tonight. I can't take this any longer. -James_

XxX

I peek at my phone, noting that another three minutes have ticked by...and I don't have a single text or missed call.

Same as the last twenty minutes.

I don't think Kendall is coming.

 _Did he get my note? Does he not want to meet?_

Maybe he'd grown tired of this back and forth between us, tired of waiting.

Or maybe he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.

It's been over three weeks since that night in our room.

After Kendall made his promises, he kissed me until my lips were numb, until I couldn't tell my fingers from my toes, and then he wrapped his arms around me and held me until we both fell asleep.

He was gone the next morning.

Our interactions have been limited, but not in the same way they were before. This time around we're friendly, flirty even. Our chemistry is back to being palpable.

He's left me a note every single day. Sometimes they're fun, sometimes they're serious, and sometimes they force me to have a little one-on-one time with myself in my room.

Now, I've never really been one for big romantic gestures, and I don't even think the sole motivation behind his notes is about rekindling our relationship, but I can't deny that they've been a deciding factor in why I'm here tonight.

The past three weeks have been some of the longest of my life, and that's boiled down to one thing. Being away from Kendall.

I can't do it anymore. Even when I'm at my lowest, he's still my highest high. I don't see the point in denying myself any longer. I'm ready to give us another shot.

He's the light to my darkness, and I'm tired of fumbling around in the dark not being able to see.

"Son of a bitch!"

The words are faint, but I hear them.

"Fuck this stupid fucking treehouse."

I listen as the boards nailed to the tree begin to rattle with Kendall's weight.

"Almost got me shot by a damn BB gun. _Meet me at the treehouse,_ he says. _Private-fucking-property_ is what I say. I had to run from a goddamn Chaweewee."

I try hard to hold back my laughter. I guess I forgot to mention to him that I spoke with the new owner and he was completely okay with me using it...just maybe not this late at night.

He grumbles and mutters something I can't decipher. "He's so damn lucky I love him. Better get at least three kisses for this shit."

With a final grunt, he pulls himself through the hole in the floor.

He's facing the opposite direction and doesn't know I'm here.

"Chihuahua."

Kendall lets out a surprised gasp and twists my way, glaring. "What?"

Laughing, I say, "They're called Chihuahuas, not Chaweewees."

He places his hands on the floorboards and hauls himself the rest of the way in. Standing, he brushes his palms off on the thighs of his jeans and mutters, "Same difference."

Having him so close makes the nerves begin to churn in my stomach.

"Hey." He says, smiling my way.

"Hey." I say in response as he takes a few steps closer, nonchalant about the whole thing. When he gets about two feet from me, he stops and shoves his hands into his pockets.

He doesn't speak.

Neither do I.

Instead, I close the distance between us. I reach out and pull him snug against me. A grin lines his lips as I lean in and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"One." I whisper.

I place another in the opposite corner.

"Two."

And finally, I lay my lips against his, relishing the sharp inhale he takes before meeting my kiss with equal passion.

The kiss is soft and hard and fast and slow all at once. His hands grip my waist, bringing me closer as I slide my fingers into his hair and hold him tightly against me, our mouths working overtime.

We kiss for forever...or for a few minutes. Either way, I don't want it to stop, but breathing is a necessity.

I pull back, my lips gliding over his in the softest of touches.

"Three." I murmur.

I can feel his smile against my mouth and return it with one of my own.

"I've missed you." He says.

"I'm ready." I answer.

He swallows, the sound thunderous in the otherwise quiet space. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more certain in my entire life, Ken."

"I just...I really want you to be sure. The intention of my notes wasn't to pressure you or anything. I want you to do-"

"Do this for me. I know, and I am. I promise you that."

"And what about…" I can feel him shaking in my grip, and I want to take away his worry. "What about New Year's? Our break? What happens with that?"

"We move on and grow, become stronger than we've ever been. We communicate, because no matter what, we're friends first. We need to have that bond, that bridge. We need to have us while being an _us_." I say, pressing my forehead to his and closing my eyes before continuing. "I'm probably going to be a pain in the ass half the time. I'll need a little space and time and will have some lows I'll need to work through. I'll need to be reminded that while I _have_ depression, it doesn't define me. It doesn't make me."

"And I'll be there to remind you that you're not alone. No matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere. I see you for more than your mental illness. I see you for you, and I see you as worthy, because I love you."

The tears that have been threatening to fall finally find their way down my cheeks. I don't bother to wipe them away, don't bother to hide them.

"It's going to be hard, probably the hardest thing we've ever done."

"But we're worth it." He promises. "I know we are."

"Then I'm ready to work for it if you are."

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life, Jay."

"I was hoping you'd say that." I give him a quick peck on the lips. "I love you, you know."

I feel his lips turn upward as he whispers, "If you say so."

* * *

 **Done! So Kames is ready to give things another shot! You didn't think I would end this without them working things out, did you? :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and story in general, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I would like to thank everyone for their support! This story was one that I had written in my spare time, not knowing if I would even post it at the time. This story is close to my heart because it was kind of an outlet for me to get out some of my personal thoughts and feelings. So the fact you all enjoyed this means the world to me! I love you all so much! :)**

 **I'm not really sure what's next just yet. But in the meantime, I have a couple on-going stories, so I'll still be around! :P**

 **I can't really say 'until next time' here, so once again, thank you all so much for your support!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


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